Bringing it full circle...

Someone very wise once told me that if I couldn't write a blog and end it in a way that glorifies God, then maybe I shouldn't put it out there. I've really tried to maintain that position, but it's not always easy.
Sometimes, I just want to wallow in it, darn it. And don't we all? We like our pity parties--we get to be the center of attention, and when no one shows up, it makes our pathetic caterwauling that much more dramatic.  It heaps onto our heads, and our pity party gets that much more, well, piteous. 
I wonder if God ever looks at us in our hysterics and smiles? 'Cause He knows the moment of self-realization is coming...We'll stop for 2 seconds and realize how ridiculous we look. And then we'll turn to Him like we knew we should have, in the first place.
But for those first few minutes, having a total meltdown can be so cathartic...
I'm finding myself struggling in a lot of ways. Things I'm praying for, seem to be a little stuck; I definitely need a breakthrough in a couple of areas. I just realized that I only have 28 working days until I'm out on leave (working at a university has definite benefits around the holiday breaks); I start weekly doctor's appointments very soon; and my most-recent appointment has left me more than a little on edge.  Couple that with making some major financial decisions, trying to get the house in order, having to tell people "no" on various social plans, and feeling like I've been hit with a Mack Truck..."Overwhelmed" is the word of the day. 
My usual response to feeling overwhelmed is to have a complete mental breakdown. Not going to lie:  dirty baseboards made me cry this week. Looking at my calendar for the next 2 months made me cry this week. Laundry made me cry this week--and it's just the two of us!!!!  I'm not proud of my recent inability to keep it together ("Recent?!?!?" some might say. :). I've yelled at my mother (how did I survive that?!?), at my husband (who graciously cleaned the baseboards), and in my head, there's been a non-stop panic attack over every strange abdominal twinge.  I'm not doing very well at handing things off to God, for Him to deal with.
I need some things to shake loose, no doubt. Trying to figure out certain things on my own isn't getting me anywhere; making myself lay back and trust God is not happening easily. I have GOT to STOP worrying about EVERYTHING.
Nothing is bigger than God (deep breath).
God loves me (deep breath).
He doesn't want to see us fall (deep breath).
Everything will be all right (deep breath).
This is not the easiest time of the year for me, and in the middle of the chaos, I haven't really taken the time to stop and think about the where/when/how that I normally ruminate on. My daughter's 6th birthday came and went with little aplomb, but maybe it's time for that. Maybe it's time to enjoy the sweet memories, but to focus on what's to come. We will meet again, after all...It's not a "getting over," by any means. It is simply "getting through." Maybe I am on the other side of it, after all. Doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt sometimes--we have finally passed along the last of her clothing, and with that, I feel like the final scab came off. There are definitely scars there, but I think it was a good thing to do. It felt very right, even though it wasn't easy.
Looking back at all of that, knowing how God has carried us through so much, why do I doubt that He will continue to carry us, now? Why do I struggle with that jump-off-of-a-cliff feeling? I know He'll catch me--yet I have fear.
Nothing is bigger than God (deep breath).
If we fall, He is there (deep breath).
He DOES supply our needs, even if it's not in the way we expected (deep breath).
(Okay, ANOTHER deep breath....)
This is not His first rodeo (deep breath).
There are victories to come, and testimonies to tell, that I cannot comprehend (deep breath).
And Everything
Will Be
All
Right.