Throwing My Shoes...(the edit)

I originally posted this blog, then went back and deleted it. I just had a feeling that if it were seen by the wrong person, no amount of explaining would save my rear. So here it is, again, with a few tweaks...but you get the point:

Have you ever been in a situation where you genuinely feel like you just can’t win? Like everything you do, will somehow be twisted out of context, and you will pay the price?

I’m in one of those situations right now, and I’m not entirely sure what to do. I'm finding that my naturally curious personality is not taken the right way; when I look at me, from their perspective, I can see why. I ask questions--I always have. Perhaps I missed my mark...maybe I would have been a better journalist. I don't ask questions to be maliciously rude or nosy; it really is just a tendency to want to know what's going on. I like to be on top of situations--even ones that aren't necessarily my business. I forget to stop sometimes, though, and wake up to the fact that they're just that--not my business. I miss the boundary lines from time to time, and if I've done that with you, I'm sorry. I'd appreciate if people would just  let me know at the time, though, before it becomes a major situation...like the one I'm dealing with right now. My mom is right-I need to stop, and not ask. Or at least, ask myself why I want to know something--why am I so curious? Hmm.

Yesterday, I posted on Facebook that I was “making myself thank God for people that aren’t kind. Wishing I could just throw my shoe at them and be done…but that’s not what He calls us to do, is it?” Someone sent me a beautifully-worded response that I hung on my cubicle: “God tells us to forgive, love, bless our enemies…They do something. We are hurt, angry, etc., and really, rightfully so. What is our response? Are we able to find God and give it to Him, forgive, love, etc? Or do we ‘throw the shoe?’ Whether that shoe is literal, or figurative? We’re now short a shoe.”

Short a shoe.

I’m dealing with a situation in which I am being attacked. Things are being said about me, and quotes are being erroneously attributed to me. It’s easy to pin gossip on a talkative person, especially when you’re looking for a target. I’d really, REALLY like to take off my shoes and chuck them at someone’s head—literally. It would be kind of liberating, minus the accompanying assault charge. And I would be shoeless, to boot (punny!)…which is unpleasant on a rainy day.

Throwing our shoes at people only leaves us with a limp, and with dirty feet.

Figuratively speaking, “throwing our shoes” is when we retaliate with insults or additional gossip…it’s when we refuse to use even the no-win situation for growth, or when we sit and waste energy on sulking. As an immature human being, I want to do that, too: “This person wronged me!  You have to listen to me complain about how they wronged me!” What good will that do? Create additional drama? Waste brain cells? Take time away from thinking about my little guy (who is FAR more interesting? Cost me sleep (sadly, this already has)? That’s foolishness! Granted, it’s easy to say “pray about it, and leave it with God!” It’s very hard to do, especially for those of us with “slight” OCD. We want a solution! We want vengeance! And we want it yesterday!

Luke 12:25 tells us that worrying will not add one hour to our lives. It’s pointless. It gives us gray hairs and wasted tears; it takes our shoes, and leaves us with a spiritual limp. In my situation, I have to find a way to trust God to take care of my reputation. I have to trust Him to take a no-win situation, and have His way. Either way, He provides—I can rest in that. He knows my intentions, and I know my intentions. He knows my actions, even when I may have missed something. He understands the reasons why people say/think what they do.

I have to learn to control my natural curiosity. And I have to understand that not everyone "gets" me or my intentions. I actually feel kind of sad for someone, who is so paranoid that they find such queries to be part of some agenda. It is a depressing world that we live in, that takes genuine concern and twists it into a sort of accusation—I don’t understand it.

But I don’t have to.

The only thing I have to do, is to keep my shoes on (I can run faster that way!) and to pray not only for those people, but for myself—that I will learn to be quiet, so as not to be misconstrued. That I will learn to be unliked. That I will learn that some situations cannot be fixed, but that God is still in control. That I will learn to be unjustified without being paranoid about it. That I will learn to be at peace…and above all, to refrain from giving someone the pleasure of seeing me throw my shoes.

Thankfully, I know a God that lets me be me…that hears my complaints, and Who knows my heart…I know a God that lets me go barefoot in His presence…