I started to write this blog a few days ago, when I'd finally hit my limit of well-intentioned but badly-executed responses to my pregnancy. I'm resisting the urge to cut-and-paste the whole thing, and to verbally spew all of the heartache I was feeling that day; however, since it's not an accurate reflection of how I feel "today," I will refrain.
I'm allowed to change my mind; I'm Cassidy Cooley. (That I'm female, on hormones, and pregnant, may factor in, but I'm not going to use them as an excuse.)
Here are the facts of it:
I am, as of this writing, 6 months pregnant with my second--yes, my SECOND--child. I am having a boy. I will tell you his name if I want to, and if I don't, then that's my right.
This child is not a replacement.
This child is not a "second chance."
I had a beautiful baby girl, almost exactly 6 years ago, that died at 29 days of age from late-onset Group B strep with bacterial meningitis.
My daughter was not a mistake; I have never for a second thought she was a mistake, and do not attempt to tell me otherwise. Life is never a mistake.
God had a plan for my little girl.
God does not heal everyone, nor does He want to. Likewise, God does not like to see His children suffer.
That doesn't make sense to me, but it doesn't have to. I will not pretend that I am somehow so entitled that I should understand the patterns of a God Who is so incredible that He makes stars....and lungs...and baby-blue eyes...and dimples.
I will not pretend to understand God's will, and neither should you.
I did not stand in the way of my daughter's healing, and neither did my husband (and don't you dare try to tell me so)...
God is still glorified, even in the midst of our heartaches.
Jesus loves me.
He loves you, too.
This child is loved more than he will ever know; he is hoped for, prayed for, longed for...he is the answer to Hannah/Samuel prayers, prayers prayed so hard that I'm sure people thought I was insane.
This child has been dedicated to the Lord before I ever knew I was pregnant, just like his sister was, and just like his future siblings, God willing, will be.
We live in a sinful, broken world full of disease and corruption. We are guaranteed nothing except the love of God, death, and taxes.
We take nothing for granted, but we pray for everything.
People have said a myriad of things (again, best of intentions, worst of execution). Let me reiterate:
This is not a "do-over." My son is not the chance for us to "try this thing again." GOD DOES NOT NEED SECOND CHANCES, so please don't tell me that this is God's way of "making it up to us." Really?
HE'S GOD. HE DOESN'T OWE US ANYTHING. He didn't "take" my daughter; she simply went home.
Please do not compare this pregnancy to my first, outside of the physical symptoms (which are interestingly different). Please do not compare this child to my first, as he is his own unique individual little self. I'm already discovering this in utero, as he has a whole different set of things that he responds to, than she did (she really, really liked "Proud Mary." I'm still trying to figure out his musical tastes. Seems like he prefers talk radio, like his daddy).
I have found myself repeating the old habit of smiling and nodding when people make their comments. I know they are so well-intentioned, and they're not all wrong. A lot of friends have said, "Gee, you must really be struggling with fear." You have no idea.
Fortunately, for me, God knew this was coming. Not only did He arm me ahead of time; He provided me with amazing resources that can redirect me when the "crazies" come on--you know, those thought processes that try to take over and force you into a full-blown panic attack? Turns out that I know a few people that can relate. My husband, whom I internally visualize as the bumper pads on a bowling alley when I get like that, is an incredible buffer to point me back to the right direction. He's not always gentle about it (ha!), but he's very good at it. I have one person in particular, who has opened herself up to take those panicked phone calls---"I feel like he's dropped--is that normal? Am I okay?!?!?"--and listens, prays, and has provided immeasurable comfort. She's been in my shoes. I've avoided most secular music since I found out I was pregnant; turns out, that's been good for me. It's forced me to fall in love with all sorts of new-to-me Christian music, and to remember the beauty of the old stuff (Steven Curtis Chapman, anyone?). It's really good fuel for the defense. Yes, I struggle with fear, but I feel really insulated right now...God really does give us grace for times like these.
Granted, if I were to abuse that, and feed myself full of medical reports or data, I'd probably be apoplectic. I've stopped looking things up (Dr. Google, You're Fired!), and am relying on what I already know/questions to the real doctor, etc. My doctor's been fantastic at explaining all of my crazy questions (feel sorry for them--I'm surprised they don't know my phone number by heart), and that's been a big help. It's so different than my pregnancy with Hannah-I feel listened to, and that gives a lot of peace.
One of my friends is a prolific writer. I mean, she writes the stuff I wish I wrote; she says it with grace and skill that I wish I had; and even though we never see each other, I live vicariously through her pen. She reached out to me the other day, and asked how I was doing. She knew there was a certain measure of anxiety that I must be feeling; rather than focus on that part of it, she sent me a list of Scriptures that countered it.
THAT was incredible. That's the kind of stuff that is manna from Heaven--God sends those kind of people with those kind of answers even when I'm not looking for it! It's just how He takes care of me...
So, all of that being said, I'm about to find myself in a few social situations that have me feeling very anxious (what am I saying? All social situations make me anxious. I cover it well--generally--but yep--I'm a closet-hermit), and I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for it. The holidays are coming, for one, and depending on which side of the family I'm hanging out with, anything can (and will) be said. I'm terrifically opinionated, but that doesn't mean that I stick up for myself very well. I'm going to have to buck up and do it.
I have a responsibility to this child to not allow people to speak things over him that are anything but uplifting.
I have a responsibility to this child to never allow him to think he is a "second chance."
I have a responsibility to this child to give him an environment that is free of my irrational/rational fears.
I have a responsibility to this child to never open the door for him to think that God failed...
To never him think that God dropped the ball...
To never make him think that God killed his sister...
To never make him think that God is to blame.
I have a responsibility to this child to let him get the flu without reacting with hysteria...
To let him scrape his knees when he falls...
To let him cry when he's sad...
To teach him that God is great,
That God is, above all, Good.
My friends and family have a responsibility to this child to do the same.
This child...my son...He is his own little person.
He is nobody's "second chance,"
And God doesn't need redemption.
He never failed.
Hannah's life, and her death, are independent of his life, and one should affect the other as little as possible, in both application, and in perspective.
I will not see myself, or my son, influenced in any other way. I can't say that I think this will be easy--it hasn't been, so far--but it is doable.
Consider your intentions, before you state that I'm having my "second chance" baby. Put yourself in my shoes--what are you really saying?
Sometimes, a simple "Congratulations! I'm happy for you guys!" is really all that needs to be said. :)
Friday, October 26, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
In Defense of Creation, and My Right to Teach It: An Open Letter to Bill Nye, the Science Guy
Dear Mr. Nye:
You've never heard of me. You'll most likely never see this letter, and that's okay. I'm pretty insignificant-just a working stiff from the country, educated to the bare necessity of a Bachelors, and all-in-all, a very simple girl. I'm not an academic (although I work in that world), I'm not a scientist, and I'm not a teacher.
That being said, I have an issue with you:
Bill Nye: Don't Teach Your Kids Creation
You were the "cool" science teacher. Yes, you came to my attention far after I had graduated from high school (where I had my very own "cool" science teacher--thank you, Miss Beumer), but I always admired how you made science so fun. Science is about details--those details define us, and you made it so interesting! But when you came out with this video, you inadvertently cut me to the heart.
You see, I believe in Intelligent Design.
I know--this is the part where, on the off-chance that you're reading this letter, you scoff, stop reading, and dismiss me as a wacko. That's okay. But I heard you out--so please, hear me out.
I'm not going to try to "convert" you to my belief system, or pretend to have enough scientific data under my belt for anything past an introductory explanation. I'm not even going to go into the academic specifics of why I believe what I do--I think that would be pointless. I would like, however, for you to hear, morally, WHY I believe in ID, and perhaps give you a glimpse as to why teaching my children about Creationism is anything but a "waste of time:"
I actually believe in teaching both evolution and creationism to my children as scientific theories. You understand the Scientific Process better than anyone, I'm sure. So, you know that (according to the American Association for the Advancement of Science, the National Academy of Science, and AAAS Evolution Resources) the definition of a theory is: "a well-substantiated explanation of some aspect of the natural world, based on a body of facts that have been repeatedly confirmed through observation and experiment."[1][2] Scientists create scientific theories from hypotheses that have been corroborated through the scientific method, then gather evidence to test their accuracy. As with all forms of scientific knowledge, scientific theories are inductive in nature and do not make apodictic propositions; instead, they aim for predictive and explanatory force."
And yes, I pulled that off of Wikipedia.
Because neither evolution nor creationism can be viewed in process, neither of them should ever be taught as a fact, according to the definition above. Yes, there are mutations (almost always harmful, and thus, not an advocation of evolution as they do nothing to enhance their race), and there are natural adaptations to environment; this doesn't substantiate the major changes that cells would have had to go through over "billions" of years to morph from single-celled amoeba to full-fledged human being. We have nothing on this planet that can recreate "big bang" type of events; we have nothing on this planet that can recreate "ex nihilo" ("out of nothing") creationism.
We can't duplicate it-->IT'S NOT A FACT.
I am comfortable with teaching my children that according to science, creationism and evolution are both unrepeatable theories.
However...
I also believe that teaching children that they are nothing more than a chance encounter of atoms is detrimental to society in ways we cannot comprehend.
I believe in God. I don't believe in a "higher power" or some misshapen "pie-in-the-sky" deity that sits on His clouds and watches the tiny humans make a mess of their lives. I don't believe in a cosmic killjoy that allows us to exist for His masochistic enjoyment.
I believe in a God Who loves, whether we acknowledge Him or not.
I believe this God loves so much, that He created a world for us to live in, and then He created us, in 7 literal days, just like His Word says. I believe He loved us, and He created us to love Him, so He could love us, in an awesome circle of worship.
I know--you really do think I'm crazy at this point.
But where is the harm in teaching this to my child?
I will teach my child that they were Intelligently Designed by a God Who thinks they're special--Who hand-picked their "ingredients" and breathed life into them. I will teach my child that the Lord Himself planned for their very existence, that He loves them from conception to death. I will teach my child that He loves them, that He values them, and that even when Mom and Dad mess up, or when they mess up, that this God Who created them loves them beyond their mistakes.
Where is the harm in that?
Where is the delusion, in teaching my child that they are never unloved? That they were carefully designed? That they are part of a race that began in a garden where the first man and the first woman were sculpted by the very hand of a God that created them in His own image?
Where is the harm in telling my child that we have emotions and personalities that did not come from chance, but that came from our being a reflection of our Creator?
Where is the harm in telling my child that "No, love, you are not a product of chance. You were planned-you have a destiny, and you are not the result of, nor are you subject to, random chaos.You are loved."
I do not believe you can teach a child those things, if you have taught them from infancy on, that they're nothing more than a chance collision of atoms.
When you teach a child that they are a product of chaos, you strip them of their value. You reduce them to scientific primordial ooze, and you allow them to live in an environment that is shaped by randomness.
No wonder our society has gone crazy,
Progression: You are random..you're the product of randomness...you cannot be expected to live within the borders of absolutes, because you are based in randomness...society becomes chaotic, which suits you just fine, because it feels like home, to your random atoms...Life has no value.
I believe that implementing the "theology" of evolution leads to complete nihilism. True nihilism does not end well for its believers. (We have a suicide epidemic in this country. Is it linked to pervasive evolutionism? I don't think anyone should rule that out as a contributing foundational factor).
Mr. Nye, I'm sure you stopped reading a long time ago. And that's okay. You might write me off as just another uneducated, right-winged bumpkin that doesn't know an atom from an apple, and you might be right. But I'm also a mother-to-be of a little boy, who, I hope, grows up to love science. I hope that he learns to appreciate the incredible intricacies of creation. I hope he sits in biology class, like his mommy used to do, and learns all of his bones and his muscles...who ponders the delicacy of a leaf, and wonders how that's made...and who decides on his own terms that yes, only a God Who loves us would have cared enough to plan the world with such an eye for detail.
I hope my son sees a sunset as more than a combination of gases...that he understands, more than anything, that he is loved by a God Who made him with great joy.
Maybe someday, you will understand that, too.
If you want more information on why I think that teaching my children both science and evolution is important, please take a look at Ben Stein's Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed.
Mr. Nye, you were very brave to be so outspoken. I appreciate your candidness--you've just publicly said what our schools have been teaching for years. I love the fact that we live in a country that allows us to disagree. I still think you're a really great science teacher. But, if you don't mind, please allow me to parent my child in a way that I see fit, without telling me that it's a "Waste of Time." And, as a reminder from one of my favorite children's series, Mr. Nye: "God Made You Special, and He Loves You Very Much!" Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Cassidy S. Cooley
Creationist-At-Heart
You've never heard of me. You'll most likely never see this letter, and that's okay. I'm pretty insignificant-just a working stiff from the country, educated to the bare necessity of a Bachelors, and all-in-all, a very simple girl. I'm not an academic (although I work in that world), I'm not a scientist, and I'm not a teacher.
That being said, I have an issue with you:
Bill Nye: Don't Teach Your Kids Creation
You were the "cool" science teacher. Yes, you came to my attention far after I had graduated from high school (where I had my very own "cool" science teacher--thank you, Miss Beumer), but I always admired how you made science so fun. Science is about details--those details define us, and you made it so interesting! But when you came out with this video, you inadvertently cut me to the heart.
You see, I believe in Intelligent Design.
I know--this is the part where, on the off-chance that you're reading this letter, you scoff, stop reading, and dismiss me as a wacko. That's okay. But I heard you out--so please, hear me out.
I'm not going to try to "convert" you to my belief system, or pretend to have enough scientific data under my belt for anything past an introductory explanation. I'm not even going to go into the academic specifics of why I believe what I do--I think that would be pointless. I would like, however, for you to hear, morally, WHY I believe in ID, and perhaps give you a glimpse as to why teaching my children about Creationism is anything but a "waste of time:"
I actually believe in teaching both evolution and creationism to my children as scientific theories. You understand the Scientific Process better than anyone, I'm sure. So, you know that (according to the American Association for the Advancement of Science, the National Academy of Science, and AAAS Evolution Resources) the definition of a theory is: "a well-substantiated explanation of some aspect of the natural world, based on a body of facts that have been repeatedly confirmed through observation and experiment."[1][2] Scientists create scientific theories from hypotheses that have been corroborated through the scientific method, then gather evidence to test their accuracy. As with all forms of scientific knowledge, scientific theories are inductive in nature and do not make apodictic propositions; instead, they aim for predictive and explanatory force."
And yes, I pulled that off of Wikipedia.
Because neither evolution nor creationism can be viewed in process, neither of them should ever be taught as a fact, according to the definition above. Yes, there are mutations (almost always harmful, and thus, not an advocation of evolution as they do nothing to enhance their race), and there are natural adaptations to environment; this doesn't substantiate the major changes that cells would have had to go through over "billions" of years to morph from single-celled amoeba to full-fledged human being. We have nothing on this planet that can recreate "big bang" type of events; we have nothing on this planet that can recreate "ex nihilo" ("out of nothing") creationism.
We can't duplicate it-->IT'S NOT A FACT.
I am comfortable with teaching my children that according to science, creationism and evolution are both unrepeatable theories.
However...
I also believe that teaching children that they are nothing more than a chance encounter of atoms is detrimental to society in ways we cannot comprehend.
I believe in God. I don't believe in a "higher power" or some misshapen "pie-in-the-sky" deity that sits on His clouds and watches the tiny humans make a mess of their lives. I don't believe in a cosmic killjoy that allows us to exist for His masochistic enjoyment.
I believe in a God Who loves, whether we acknowledge Him or not.
I believe this God loves so much, that He created a world for us to live in, and then He created us, in 7 literal days, just like His Word says. I believe He loved us, and He created us to love Him, so He could love us, in an awesome circle of worship.
I know--you really do think I'm crazy at this point.
But where is the harm in teaching this to my child?
I will teach my child that they were Intelligently Designed by a God Who thinks they're special--Who hand-picked their "ingredients" and breathed life into them. I will teach my child that the Lord Himself planned for their very existence, that He loves them from conception to death. I will teach my child that He loves them, that He values them, and that even when Mom and Dad mess up, or when they mess up, that this God Who created them loves them beyond their mistakes.
Where is the harm in that?
Where is the delusion, in teaching my child that they are never unloved? That they were carefully designed? That they are part of a race that began in a garden where the first man and the first woman were sculpted by the very hand of a God that created them in His own image?
Where is the harm in telling my child that we have emotions and personalities that did not come from chance, but that came from our being a reflection of our Creator?
Where is the harm in telling my child that "No, love, you are not a product of chance. You were planned-you have a destiny, and you are not the result of, nor are you subject to, random chaos.You are loved."
I do not believe you can teach a child those things, if you have taught them from infancy on, that they're nothing more than a chance collision of atoms.
When you teach a child that they are a product of chaos, you strip them of their value. You reduce them to scientific primordial ooze, and you allow them to live in an environment that is shaped by randomness.
No wonder our society has gone crazy,
Progression: You are random..you're the product of randomness...you cannot be expected to live within the borders of absolutes, because you are based in randomness...society becomes chaotic, which suits you just fine, because it feels like home, to your random atoms...Life has no value.
I believe that implementing the "theology" of evolution leads to complete nihilism. True nihilism does not end well for its believers. (We have a suicide epidemic in this country. Is it linked to pervasive evolutionism? I don't think anyone should rule that out as a contributing foundational factor).
Mr. Nye, I'm sure you stopped reading a long time ago. And that's okay. You might write me off as just another uneducated, right-winged bumpkin that doesn't know an atom from an apple, and you might be right. But I'm also a mother-to-be of a little boy, who, I hope, grows up to love science. I hope that he learns to appreciate the incredible intricacies of creation. I hope he sits in biology class, like his mommy used to do, and learns all of his bones and his muscles...who ponders the delicacy of a leaf, and wonders how that's made...and who decides on his own terms that yes, only a God Who loves us would have cared enough to plan the world with such an eye for detail.
I hope my son sees a sunset as more than a combination of gases...that he understands, more than anything, that he is loved by a God Who made him with great joy.
Maybe someday, you will understand that, too.
If you want more information on why I think that teaching my children both science and evolution is important, please take a look at Ben Stein's Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed.
Mr. Nye, you were very brave to be so outspoken. I appreciate your candidness--you've just publicly said what our schools have been teaching for years. I love the fact that we live in a country that allows us to disagree. I still think you're a really great science teacher. But, if you don't mind, please allow me to parent my child in a way that I see fit, without telling me that it's a "Waste of Time." And, as a reminder from one of my favorite children's series, Mr. Nye: "God Made You Special, and He Loves You Very Much!" Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Cassidy S. Cooley
Creationist-At-Heart
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