A PSA for WOMEN ONLY: The Bra Blog

This one is for the ladies, so guys, bugger off! :)

I feel a little like Oprah, here, but...Let's talk about bras!!! My last blog involving lingerie was a comparison of how my so-called granny panties were reflecting my lack of adventure and confidence in life, and an overall lack of living with reckless abandon. Really, I think I kinda had a great point. This blog, however, is dealing with the facts: Bras, according to most of my girlfriends, suck. The women in the 60's and 70's had a great idea when they decided to burn the darn things, truthfully, and I'm thinking I was born in the wrong era....Or at least, that's how I felt up until a couple of years ago.

I've had some interesting conversations with a number of women lately, some of whom were my friends, and some were mere acquaintances. Women are surprisingly open about bras, given our general hatred of the things; also, in recent years, breasts have gained a lot of public discussion due to the increase of breast cancer awareness, so this isn't your mother's conversation about your girls. (Or grandmother's...my mom has no problem whatsoever discussing bras or anything affiliated with them, LOL!). We have nothing to be ashamed of or to hide, in today's world, when amongst our peers, when discussing bras.

I've been teased about my breasts since I was a teenager. College was a nightmare; most of the basketball team in my Bible college (yes, BIBLE COLLEGE) referred to me as "Hoots," and I seriously doubt they knew my real name. I've had more people converse with my chest than my face, and in the springtime of 2006, I had a breast reduction that removed almost 7 pounds of breast tissue. The surgery was painful, the scars are not pretty, and I don't regret it for an instant! The back pain and rib pain I had, from ill-fitting bras, was ridiculous, and it's never come back. I could shop in normal stores; I could buy a bra from Wal-Mart if I wanted to, and finally wear shirts that buttoned in the front. It was glorious...still is, frankly.

I hear women gripe about their bras all the time, and I understand. I mean, walk into Victoria's Secret! Those things are designed to dig in, push up, pull together, and make you think you look like one of those stick-figures-with-silicone that they plaster on their walls. They're pretty bras, granted, and I certainly have my fair share...and honestly, there are a few occasions where we all need to be pushed up and pulled together...HOWEVER:

Every woman should see a certified bra-fitting specialist, probably once a year or more. If you are still wearing the same bras you wore 2 years ago, you might be in the wrong-fitting bra. And when I say "certified," please know there is an actual certification process for fitting a bra--it's not just, slap a tape measure here, and keep trying them on until you find one that kinda fits, I can promise you that. Macy's and JCPenney will often have a bra specialist come in, and occasionally have one on staff. Betty Will-Bower of Body Graphics in Crestwood is the best I know of, and had I met her before my reduction, I may not have had the surgery. No one else that I've seen for a fitting has been as gentle, professional, and as accurate in getting my actual size (Oh, she operates out of small, comfortable office--314-849-5009--she's the sweetest lady you will ever meet!) (You will notice that I'm NOT mentioning the over-hyped Ann's Bra Shop. I had a really bad experience there, so they're not on my list). Betty has taught me a few things about bras that every woman should know:
1. If you notice your bra during the day, it's not fitting you correctly. WHAT? Seriously? Yep...I have always been the one who's adjusting a strap, pulling the band out from my rib cage, etc...My bra is the first thing to go when I get home. After getting properly fit, my first sign that there was a change was that I left the thing on until I got to bed that night. I was impressed!
2. Unless you're sleeping, those girls need to be supported. The pulling and strain on your tissues are what cause the sagging we see in younger and younger women.
3. This was a big one for me: There are comfortable underwires!!! I've always been an underwire girl, but have never liked them; I never felt like a softcup could give me adequate support. Betty helped me to find comfortable, supportive underwires that didn't make me feel like I was wearing a cage and...
4. There are comfortable, supportive softcup bras!!! I have friends who won't wear underwires, and yet their softcups always make them look like they have uniboob (you KNOW what I'm talking about!). I'm now the proud owner of several softcup bras, and am impressed at their engineering!
5. Bra sizes change throughout your menstrual cycle. You're not imagining it. We can go up to or even past, a full cup-size difference throughout the month. We need bras to prepare for that.
6. No one has naturally symmetrical breasts. In fact, Fruit-of-the-Loom is now coming out with a bra that you purchase by the half, i.e, you buy one side with one cup, and then buy the other, clip them together in the front and the back and BOOM! You have a perfectly customized bra. Time will tell if they actually make these for women who are bigger than a C-cup (Don't you hate that? They come out with awesome bras, and then you can't find your size!!! Argh!).
7. Speaking of size, someone out there has your bra size. Betty actually has bras she can order that are an LL and bigger. I didn't know that existed. I know before my reduction, I purchased my bras online from England; it seems they have a lot of bigger-cup bras that come from there. But don't be discouraged--your size exists.

I seem completely unable to write a top-10 list lately, so 7 is all I've got. But honestly, how many women do you know, complain about their bras? Having a bra that fits you properly is important to back health and to breast health. Our breasts are made of soft tissue that requires support; we, as busy women, require comfort. It is possible! I have seen women who have survived breast cancer...women who's breasts are scarred...women who are well-endowed to the point of embarrassment (never be embarrassed!), and women who are under-endowed to the point of embarrassment (again, NEVER be embarrassed!). The one thing we all have in common is not only do we have our "lovely lady lumps;" we all need to take care of them, and of ourselves.

This blog is my PSA, again, based on my many recent conversations with women who complain about their bras. It doesn't have to be that way...Here are 21 more facts that women need to know, before buying a bra:

21 Things To Know Before Buying A Bra

1. Get fitted by a certified bra specialist.
2. To make sure that the bra fits properly, take note of the band size.

* You want the band to fit snug and secure around the body and to be anchored low.

3. The center tab of the bra should lie flush against the chest wall.
4. Make sure that the straps are adjusted for additional support.
5. The breast tissue needs to be contained inside the bra cup. No spillage, no double bubbling and no puckering (which means that the cup is too big).
6. Most women wear their bands too big and their cups too small! That is why the ride up in the back and cause some women to have back problems.

*Also, it is important to get fitted twice a year.

* Remember: many factors affect our bra measurement such as pregnancy, child birth, menopause and weight fluctuation.

7. Pay attention to the shirt silhouette with the bra straps. There are different bras that should be worn with different shirts and clothing articles.
8. Showing your bra straps is NOT acceptable!
9. If you are wearing a tank top, then you should wear a racerback bra.
10. If you are wearing a halter top or a top that criss crosses in the back, then you would wear a convertible bra.
11. With a t-shirt or tighter fitting top, wear a contour bra, and it should be seamless.
12. Always wear a nude bra with a white shirt not a white bra.
13. If you find a bra brand that fits and it's comfortable, chances are their other styles will fit you as well. Look to that brand first before venturing to others.
14. If you are wearing a strapless dress or top, always wear a strapless bra. A good strapless bra that fits correctly will stay up.
15. If you are looking to streamline or reduce the appearance of your bustline, then a minimizer is the bra for you.
16. If you need to enhance your bustline, a push-up bra will give you a naturally fuller look.
17. If you are wearing a blouse, this is when you can wear a seamed pretty lacey bra.
18. A properly fitted bra will make a world of difference in how your outerwear lays on your body.
19. Bras have many different functions. Whether you want to lift, shape, minimize or maximize- there is a bra for you.
20. The most important part of your outfit is what you put under it!
21. Most importantly of all, a bra needs to be comfortable!

-- Information provided by Megan's Lifestyle Boutique

"Validation"

Outside looking in...
Once more,
I find it's the little things
That I look to
To validate my
Existence...
The drama queen in me;
Always playing a role...
Always seeking some kind
Of
Nomination
And always having my
Heart Broken
When it doesn't happen...
When someone else
Takes the front seat...
Why am I
Seeking approval from an
"Audience"
That doesn't know that
I exist?
I set myself up
For such scars...
When I do what I do
For You
There is only
Love.
Why do I set my heart on
Anything else?
Crushed,
Battered,
Disappointed...
Angry,
Wounded...
And really,
I'm the one to blame.
To live in such a way
That one only seeks...
That one
Desperately seeks...
Approval from Your heart
Is a life that seems to
Scream
Of delayed satisfaction
In a world that seeks
Instant recognition,
And in spite of my
Best intentions,
I am no different
From the
Orphan theology
I am surrounded by.
I do what I don't want to...
Put hope in what I
Should not hope for,
And with hold True
Trust
To hold on to my
Control.
It leads to this...
So once again,
I lay this down--
Not "lay aside"--
I lay it down.
I step off of the stage.
I close my eyes to
Seeking approval
Even from the ones I love,
And I try again...
Dusty knees...
Bruised knees...
Skinned knees...
Tear-stained pillow
And damaged heart...
I try again,
And even though
I'm ugly,
You tell me
I'm beautiful...
When no one else says
The words I need to hear,
You speak them from the depths of my soul...
It can be hard to
Quiet
A broken heart,
But You
Speak
Through
The
Pieces...

Common Sense...

Common sense tells me I should be back in bed right now. After all, it's 3 am, I've been up since 2, and I need to go to church in the morning...but since I've never been the one in the family (supposedly) who got the "common sense" gene, I guess I'm just playing my role.
I haven't blogged lately, and it's been deliberate. I've been dealing with some very personal decisions lately that I haven't wanted to put out there for the world to see, and I'm learning that it's okay to make that distinction. It's not that I'm being fake; it's simply that it's no one's business. 32 is a fine age to finally begin to learn to ponder things in my heart, as Mary did (she learned it when she was a teenager, of all things--no wonder God was impressed).
The last few weeks have taught me a lot about myself. The last few days have broken my heart in new ways (because a heart can never be broken enough, right?). In the last few weeks, I've learned that I have an anger that I never knew myself capable of. In the last few days, I've learned that surrendering to God can feel like the most devastating thing you will ever go through. I've learned that it is SO entirely possible to make the world think everything is going so well, but truthfully, internally, one can be a train wreck of epic proportions.
Most of all, I've learned that it's okay not to wear my heart on my sleeve.
If you ask me if I'm okay, I am allowed to lie.
If you ask me how I'm doing, I am allowed to lie.
I don't have to tell you. I don't HAVE to tell YOU. I don't have to tell you I'm great, I'm fantastic, I'm peachy, or that God is good. I don't have to say anything. I can look you in the eye and tell you I'm fine, and it's all you need to know. I can look you in the eye, lie to you, and you will never know the difference because I have gotten that good at it.
So yeah,
I'm fine.
I'm so guilty of over-sharing, of over-explaining, because I'm so guilty of loving drama, but I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm not only sick of the stupidity of other people's drama; I'm sick of my own. So no, I don't want to share it with the world. I don't want to tell you how I lost my temper this week and made a horrible witness of myself. I don't want to tell you about the family drama that's got me frustrated to the point of volcanic instability. I don't want to embellish the emotional struggles I'm having with the man I married right now, and I don't want to have to apologize for that.
This is what I do want to share:
God is amazing. He loves me, and you, and everyone else, through their drama. He sees the anger rising up in me, and how ugly that dragon is, and He loves me anyways. He knows I want to pick up my sword and cut some giants down, when even I know it's not my battle, and He loves me anyways. He loves me when ugly words cross my mind (all those things I'd like to say) and He loves me (and occasionally sends angels down to seal my big mouth shut). He sees me right now, feeling like my heart has been ripped from my chest...He sees me brokenhearted, and He loves me...He sees this amazing man that I married almost 5 years ago; He sees our past, and He knows our future, and He loves the two of us as one (I am so thankful for this man)....
Jesus loves me dirty; He loves me to clean.
Jesus loves me broken; He loves me to wholeness.
Jesus loves me angry; He loves me to peace.
Jesus loves me poor in spirit; He loves me to His heart.
And best of all...
He loves you more.