Blog Challenge #Fail

#Fail

Okay, so in my brilliance, I undertook a 30-day Blog Challenge.

I’m a new mom, who works full-time.

This was kind of a dumb idea….Or was it? I made it 21 days out of 30, and I have to say, I was fairly consistent in my daily posting. One of my friends told me recently that she heard a therapist say that if everyone took some time to write every evening, there would be no need for therapists anymore…I get it.

It’s incredibly therapeutic, when we take the time to do it.

So, this was my first Blog Challenge, and since I stopped at Day 21, here is a brief synopsis of the remaining subjects—I’m going to try to answer them as briefly as possible, if it’s worth answering.

22: How have you changed in the past two years?  Fatter. Thinner. My hair is longer. Oh, and 2 years ago, I had just started a new job….and we had found a doctor that, for once, did not tell us we were crazy for wanting to have another baby. The past 2 years have brought me to my knees in new, crazy ways; they’ve shown me new hope, new answers for prayer, and new ways to completely rely on God. They’ve stretched me mentally (my job is unchartered territory for me, and I’ve had to learn A LOT), physically (giving birth is not something my body is particularly good at), and spiritually (I could write a book on that one)…These past 2 years have been some of the best in my life.

23:  Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.  I’m not answering that one. David Cooley is not famous (yet). Any celebrity that I’ve found attractive has tattoos, which is the only thing David is missing, but I’m working on him. That would be super-hot (TMI, but it’s my blog).

24: Your favorite movie and what it’s about. “The Princess Bride,” hands-down. And what’s it about? You have to ask? "Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Poison. True love. Hate. Revenge. Giants. Hunters. Bad men. Good men. Beautifulest ladies. Snakes. Spiders. Beasts of all natures and descriptions. Pain. Death. Brave men. Coward men. Strongest men. Chases. Escapes. Lies. Truths. Passion. Miracles."

25: Someone who fascinates you, and why: I’m fascinated by Tom and Mary Helbig, and by their family. They’re my pastors, and they’ve led such an interesting life…having such a big family, moving places around the world, pastoring churches, music…I really love them, and I find them all so incredible!  And Corrie Ten Boom (no, she’s not on the same page as the Helbigs; she’s in another league of her own)….I think she’s the most amazing person who ever lived (that wasn’t Jesus or a Biblical author).

26: What kind of person attracts you? David William Cooley. Loves God. Faithful. Loves me. Loves my dog. Loves his son more than words can say. Funny. Kind. Loving. Affectionate. Adorable. Has the most amazing shoulders I’ve ever seen, and doesn’t have a beard. Plays guitar (not frequently enough). Gives fantastic hugs. Steals my pillow. Did I mention, he’s faithful? ‘Cause THAT is hot.

27: A problem that you have had: Did I mention that my husband steals my pillow? Okay, that’s minor. My biggest problem right now is that I’m struggling with my verbal filter. It’s vanished. I’m really struggling with keeping my temper in check, and I’m sure that’s got to do with hormones being wonky, although we’re working on that, and it’s gotten better in the past few weeks. Also, I really, truly struggle with self-discipline, primarily with finances and with food—I know this has to do with self-esteem, and though it’s better than it’s been in the past, it’s a fight.

28: Something that you miss: Oh, I miss my daughter. I miss my Hannah Elizabeth Gayle so badly, it’s tangible. I thought about her this morning (I think about her every day), how we spent those weeks in the NICU…how David held her up to the window for a visiting class of prospective parents to see. How excited we were, how beautiful she was…I miss her terribly. It’s a hole in my heart that is filled with the healing balm of Jesus, but it is still a scar…I miss my princess…

29: Goals for the next 30 days: Lose weight. I think I set that goal every month. Sigh. Here’s to getting back on the wagon…

30: Your highs and lows of the month:

Lows: Crashing and burning earlier this month (August) after July’s issues caught up with me. The exhaustion was so heavy, that I finally lost it with David, and I think we both realized that I have limits. 2 surgeries and a (minor) car accident really set me back, and by the first week of August, I couldn’t go any further. My family (especially David) allowed me to do some catching up on my rest, and I’m almost back to feeling “normal.” That first week of August, though, was terrible.

Highs:  Every day with JD. Every smile, the fact that he’s learned how to stretch his arms up when he sees me…the hugs he’s giving, the funny “kisses” he gives…the times he chews my face…Seeing my son sit up on his own…Coming home, or picking him up from the babysitters, and seeing him smile when he sees me…all of the first we have together…Seeing David with his son, and seeing them laugh together…Watching my mom enjoy her grandson…Seeing JD reach for the dog (and the dog, in turn, sniff and walk away)…Life as a mom. It’s beautiful, and it makes my heart explode with joy.

So, that’s it—I just crash-coursed the rest of my blog challenge, and though I didn’t make it every single day, I’m not going to consider it a complete fail. I think looking at the collection of blogs I posted in keeping up with this challenge forced me to look at a few issues that I needed to see. It also helped me to acknowledge a few people that I think about all of the time, but rarely actually TELL them that I think about them all of the time. It’s been fun, to do more writing and to have a topic to drive me when I want to write but can’t think of anything to write about.

I don’t think I generated anymore readers out of this, but I certainly had fun. I hope you did, too…and maybe, just maybe, I make a little more sense to you now….HA!

Day 21: One of Your Favorite Shows

I like these simple, straightforward getting-to-know you blogs that are in this challenge. I'm tired, and don't feel like writing much tonight as it is. So, simple answer: My favorite TV show of all time is Alias. It's simply the coolest show to ever exist. Cool costumes, great plot, awesome characters--I even hooked David and my momma onto the show. It's one of JJ Abrams, so of course, it's fantastic. '
I also loved The Practice, Drop Dead Diva, The Voice, ALF, and of course, Once Upon A Time. In fact, Once Upon A Time is my second favorite TV show of all time.
And there you are. With Links! :)
(Of course, this isn't all of them...I love tattoo shows, clean house shows, wedding dress shows....sigh....and Saved By The Bell!)

Day 20: How Important You Think Education Is

"The More You Know, the More You Grow," isn't that the old saying?
It's true.
I believe education is critical, but not as critical as the delivery of that education. What you teach, and what you learn, is not half as important as HOW you teach, and HOW you learn. This isn't a diatribe on the educational system in our nation; rather, it's one person's thoughts on how teaching has changed.
I was educated in what was essentially a glorified homeschool. Seriously--I've been blessed to get in on the first year of two Christian schools, once as a kindergartner, and once as an eighth-grader. On the plus side, I know that everything starts somewhere. On the negative side, I was ill prepared for even a college as small as the one I chose.
I have had amazing teachers. I have had horrible teachers. I have had generations of teachers from the same family (who, incidentally, made the greatest impact).
My teachers read to us; they made us take notes. They educated us about a loving God, and they taught me things like, "never fall in love with your first draft." They gave us life lessons that I still remember, and they looked at teaching like the ministry that it is.
"How" you teach is more important than "what" you teach.
Do you know what I remember from algebra class? I remember the teacher that tutored me after school at no charge, and gave me a ride home, for an entire semester. Do I remember algebra? Heck, no. But I remember that teacher, and I remember her kindness.
I remember the Gettysburg Address.
But I also remember the teacher that read to us after every lunch period, every day, every year.
Life has taught me more than four years in college. But the things I learned in school provided a foundation that I'm thankful for--they've provided a great resource for me, and I'm glad I went.
Education is important, not necessarily for what you learn, but for the processes by which you learn it...It shapes you, and causes you to really think about why you believe what you say you believe.
I never want to stop learning, even when I'm not in a classroom. 

Day #19: Disrespecting Your Parents

Today's blog topic simply said "Disrespecting Your Parents." It didn't say, "what do you think about ____?" or "what would happen if you were _____?" Nope--just "Disrespecting Your Parents."
So, here's my interpretation:
I try not to disrespect my Mom and Dad.
I have expensive dental work.
I'd like to keep it in place.

But seriously!!!
There are a few things in this world that I am proud of myself for. One, is the fact that I've never smoked. Anything. Not a thing. Ever.
Secondly, is the fact that I lived with my parents, and for the most part, kept it respectful, until I was 27 years old--when I got married.
My mom and dad are loud, funny, bold people with strong opinions. I am also a loud person with a strong opinion. This leads to heated discussions and a lot of frustration--I barely survived college (it's hard to watch your kid be an idiot!). But I love them, and I knew the rules: You live under my roof, you obey my rules, period.
Dad is Italian; Mom is adopted, and raised in Indiana. [Note: If you don't know this already, when I say "Dad," I'm referring to the guy that is technically my step-father. But "Dad-"hood is earned...and my biological father hasn't put in the effort, quite frankly, so my step-father is my Dad. Bio-Dad is referred to as such, or by his name (Fred) in this blog. That's not out of anger; my stepDad deserves the respect. My father keeps his distance by his choice.]
Dad chose us--he met and married my Momma when I was 8 years old, and my sister was 12. He had no idea what he was in for, but he has stayed, and for that, I am grateful. It hasn't been an easy road for him; the years have been rough, and he's had his struggles. But even though I question a lot, I do know that my Dad loves me. That goes deeper than blood.
Dad has dried my tears after bad concert performances; laughed at my jokes that weren't funny; fixed plumbing that I destroyed; and walked me down the aisle. I have beautiful memories with my dad, and I am eternally grateful that God put him in our lives.
As for Mom...I can't say enough. I can't say anything--there are no words. That's the relationship that almost never was, but let me tell you: There is no one on this earth that loves me like that woman. The further I go on my own journey of motherhood, the greater and greater my respect and admiration for her grows. I had no idea what she went through, until now, and I'm just starting to catch a glimpse. She's made of iron, that's for sure, and like iron sharpening iron, we have struggled with each other...and we have helped each other grow in many ways. She has been the single biggest factor in helping me become the person I am today, and in shaping the person I hope to be.
I hope to someday have her work ethic--her tireless, obsessed-with-excellence work ethic. She works with integrity-she IS a Proverbs 31 tough-as-nails kind of woman, even though it doesn't get recognized as often as it should. She is faithful, ferocious, sassy, crazy, and awesome. She's a force to be reckoned with, and that's an understatement.
There is no one on this planet like my mom, and if you don't know her, it's your loss. She's incredible. I've been around her more this year, than I have in a long time, because she watches my son for a little bit during the week. It's a big sacrifice for her, but I love seeing him with her...it makes me think of my own grandma, and how much I loved her.
I want JD to grow up loving my mom like I loved my Grandma M....who was also a force to be reckoned with!
I'm human. I get mad at my parents...I get mad at my dad's choices; I loathe his motorcycle. I get frustrated at the occasional miscommunication with my mom, and how things we say can get so misunderstood and misinterpreted. Anger is one thing, but disrespect is another, and that is one thing I do not do.
My parents are not on some kind of super-pedastal. No one knows your good side/bad side like your kids, and that's something I'm preparing for (can you ever prepare yourself for that?!?). I'm not delusional, and I'm not candy-coating them to make them sound like something they're not.
They really are incredible.
I didn't grow up like The Bradys. My parents loved Jesus, swore a lot, spanked our butts a little too often, made us do chores and homework, drug us to church, and bought our clothes on sale. They'd get mad and say terrible things, but they'd also teach us what the Bible said. They made sure we had a good education--I will never forget the times my dad tried to teach me algebra (sorry, Dad--lost cause!). Mom taught us to love music and dancing; my first dance was with my dad.
Our house was full of life and vibrance, strength through trials, perseverance and sacrifice. We have lived through a lot as a family, and we are bonded even more because of it.
I will never call my mother my "old lady," or my dad my "old man." I have said some dumb things to them, but never that. I feel like I have been a pretty respectful kid, in all honesty, and all things considered, I'm kinda proud of that fact.
Exodus 20:12 says "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." I believe that.  In 2006, I went into congestive heart failure. My left ventricle pretty much stopped working, and my oxygen levels plummeted. There is no earthly reason I should have survived. I should have died, or at the very least, had a stroke.
I lived.
I was thinking about this verse one day, when it hit me: Maybe that's why I lived? Maybe my respect for my parents, the fact that I was obedient, is why God decided to let me live?
I don't know if that's true, or if that's arrogant to think....I have no idea. But it certainly put it into perspective, and it's something I'm going to teach my son!  
Disrespecting the people who have given so much to bring you into this world, shows just how much of an unappreciative, unworthy jerk someone is. Our parents (even bio-dad) are deserving of respect for their lives, for their experience, and for the love they give us...God gave us to them (and most of our parents have dedicated us back to Him), so if He respects them that much, shouldn't we?
I love my mom and dad. 
They're pretty freakin' cool. :)

Day 18/19: Taking a Pause

It's the weekend! So, I'm taking a quick break, & I'll try to get caught up tomorrow. Peace!

Day 18: My beliefs

Day 18: My beliefs

I’ve spent the last week in a bit of a dichotomy: watching “The Bible” miniseries, and listening to what’s new in pop music. The music is simply because I’m behind the times, and when I’m driving home, I need something that’s going to keep me away. The other day, my dial hit the Top-10 station for like, the first time in a year. Needless to say, it was kind of jaw-dropping. My usual radio station tends to play the grown-up versions (i.e., rap-free) of songs. To hear them virtually unedited was a bit of a shock.

“The Bible” miniseries starts with the disclaimer that they wanted to be true to “the Spirit” of the Word. I have to say, the casting is amazing (minus Hollyweird’s obsession with making Biblical characters have British accents-what gives, guys? Even #HotJesus, who was played by a Spanish actor, had a British accent! I don’t get it!) (And don’t rant about the #HotJesus tag. I didn’t come up with it—it was trending on Twitter during the initial broadcast. I have to say, the actor that played Jesus is way better looking than the Jesus in “Jesus of Nazareth.” Sorry—it’s not sacrilegious; it’s just the truth!). The actors communicated amazing love and compassion; they made you rethink how you read the Scriptures. It was a different perspective that I hadn’t looked at…could the disciples have been praying The Lord’s Prayer, when the Holy Spirit hit at Pentecost? Is it possible, that such a “simple” prayer brought on such a revolution?!?  That’s just ONE of the brain-melters I got from watching the series. Granted, I had to stop watching certain parts; I can’t watch The Passion of ANY story of Jesus. Can’t do it—too graphic, and it makes me ill, especially now that I’m a mother. I can’t handle it. The stoning of Stephen was pretty awful. The producers weren’t graphic for the sake of being graphic, for the most part—they were, however, very, VERY real, and it was something I’d never seen before in a Christian production.

While the radio plays songs glorifying a hyper-violent, hyper-sexual lifestyle, what I saw on television glorifies a life of humility and compassion…a life of true love, like we’re supposed to live. Not money, fame, or whoredom…just love…even love for those who choose the money, fame, and sex. It’s really, truly heartbreaking, how we miss the mark…how I miss the mark. So, I’ve spent this week reaffirming certain beliefs.

About a year ago, I was feeling really challenged in my beliefs, and basically blogged my version of my personal Apostle’s Creed. I just had to hear myself say the words, to dig in my heels and remember WHY I am on the road I’m on…to remember, after everything I’ve seen in our world, that God is still sovereign. That He still, and always will, loves…that He is NOT the One Who Changes.  No, that would be us, and we have to get it together. We have to focus on why He came, why He lives, and why He loves.

I believe we were created ex nihilo—out of nothing—by a loving Father Who made us in His indescribable image. I believe He made us with His own two hands—those same hands that were bloodied in the worst manner of death, as the Ultimate Sacrifice for our sins. Yes, I believe in sin—I believe in Heaven, I believe in Hell, and I believe that only God can decide who goes where. We’re told to call upon the Name of the Lord, and be saved. There’s the definition. I don’t think any of us can look at another human being and tell them that their lifestyle choices have condemned them.  I’m not going to make the decision to say, “Hey, you’re going to Hell!”  That’s up to God. When we try to judge, we’re playing God, and we’re sorely underqualified.

We are simply called to love.

I believe that God has mercy; I believe that He sent His Holy Spirit to draw us into Him, and to show us His love…I believe certain doctrinal issues are not worth talking about, and certainly aren’t worth arguing over (Speaking in Tongues? Preterist? Sprinkling? Calvinist? WHO CARES?!?). I also think that certain things in Scripture have been lost in translation, and I don’t think we’ll know everything that we’re talking about until we’re in Heaven. We have a lot of things that are lost in translation…a lot of humanistic influences on translations…and none of us speak ancient Greek/Hebrew/Aramaic all that well. So, I think we’re missing some stuff, or that we’ve misinterpreted stuff (5 Greek words for “love?” Seriously!?!”). 

The Christian Church has done so much damage by being a judgmental machine—we have broken our brothers and sisters, inside and out. No one knows that we have something they want, because we’ve covered it up with hatred and junk. How can our Light shine, when we are stifling Him with our own mindsets?!?

It’s time for Eustace to come out of his dragon suit (“Voyage of the Dawn Treader,” y’all!). It’s time to go through the painful process of ripping off the scales, and tearing out the junk; it’s time to go back to being a clean slate…to being soft-hearted and kind to one another. It’s time to put our own agendas aside, our church attendance goals, and our programs. It’s time not only for us to show people that we have something they want; it’s time for us to remember what that is, for ourselves.

We have Jesus.

We have a Savior, a refuge, a warm heart in the cold world. We have a strong tower to run into, we have a King Who is worthy of worship. We have a Bridegroom who is worthy of all of our love, of all of our praise…We have a Healer Who can cure every disease, Who can restore the most broken of hearts…

We have a Lover of our very soul…a righteous Lion of Judah, a Cornerstone to our crumbling hearts. We have a firm, steady, unchanging Foundation and Hope…we have Eternity.

We have Jesus,

And

He

Loves

Me.

That, simply put, is what I believe…

Day 17: Highs and Lows of the Year So Far...

Oh, wow….2013!

I can’t help grinning like an idiot!!!!!!!!

From December 31, 2012-February  2, 2013, I was in the hospital to deliver my son. It was the best/worst/scariest time in my life…well, that, and the first 4 weeks after delivery, LOL. I saw God move mountains…science tried to give me a heart attack…my body didn’t want to cooperate…

People wonder how in the world I didn’t go crazy during my “incarceration.” Truth be told, sometimes I look back, and I wonder the same thing. I think a few people may have thought that I was in there on some kind of all-expenses paid vacation.

Oh, that’s SO not true…I had wonderful, kind, compassionate nurses who listened to me when I couldn’t take the emotional struggles…nurses who prayed for me, who brought me tea and books; who encouraged me and who basically acted like Jesus with skin on…Those nurses are a gift from God, and THEY are how I kept my head on straight. I couldn’t have visitors; I had unrelenting migraines from the medication and from my blood pressures. I sat in a dark room, and watched “Bones” until we finally delivered in late January….THAT is EASILY the best day of the year! That’s the high of 2013!

My family came to see me around once a week; my husband, 2-3x/week (we live almost an hour away from the hospital). My sister, God love her, was there almost every single day. I think she would have stayed overnight, if not for her bird at home. She was a huge source of encouragement, and I’m forever grateful for the miraculously-calm nature that she brought to my stay. She probably doesn’t know this, but I spent a lot of my days anxiously waiting for her to arrive. We had disconnected prior to this pregnancy, for a few reasons; this brought us closer together than ever before. Seeing her with my son is a beautiful thing…especially as I have NO desire to take him fishing. Nope. She gets to do ALL of that foolishness!

Finding my lowest point is a toss-up: Not being able to nurse my son? The day I called the doctor, because I had to admit to myself that I was struggling with post-partum depression? The entire month of July?

Everything is an obstacle that is just waiting to be jumped. So, even my low points, in retrospect, aren’t that bad…although July about did me in. The gallbladder issues (2 surgeries) and the hassle from getting rear-ended Just. Plain. Sucked. 

Everything with JD is new and fresh…seeing his beautiful face at the end of my day is its own glorious high. He’s getting his first tooth…he’s learning to sit up. He doesn’t like to roll over, but he loves to stand—these are my highs. When I was in the hospital, I would tell myself over and over, “it’s allllll right, it’s gonna be SO worth it!!”

Oh, it is!  It totally is! I have NO regrets, only gratitude!!!

The lows of this year only have to do with physical pain and/or hormonal kerfluffles. …they’re SO minor in comparison to my beautiful boy…And every time I see that baby boy laugh at his daddy, my heart about bursts with love and joy…It has been worth it all.  2013 is, so far, one of the greatest years of my life…..(2013, 2006, 2005, 2002, 1995, 1994, & 1986 are on that list, for various reasons….)