Tiny onesies
Handled with care
Sorted and separated
Stored into bins
Anxiously waiting
To make their debut
On a child that will be here
Before we know it...
Anticipation...
35 years old,
And as the day grows closer,
I feel like I'm 5
And it's about to be
Christmas...
Can't wait to see where the
Father is taking us...
Can't wait to meet
Our son...
How did a teenager
Handle this excitement?
How did Mary
Trek through the deserts,
On an ill-timed census
While 9 months pregnant?
Anticipation?
Fear?
Terror?
Trust in the man by her side
(Who did not wear her ring)?
Faith?
The emotions she held,
That we believe she
Pondered in her heart--
Truly, she was special.
I sleep on a mattress
Designed for support and comfort
And still complain about my
"hips, my back, my neck;"
She slept on a camel...
In a barn...
On the ground.
Doctors will orchestrate my
Delivery
With medicine and antibiotics
And centuries of research;
She was in straw,
Surrounded by sympathetic strangers
And animals that were not versed
On hygiene.
This time of the year,
I can't help but compare the two...
I cannot watch the journey of
Joseph and Mary
Without thinking of how
Scared
Confused
Uncomfortable
Angry
She must have been.
Pregnant women in our day
Get some kind of "free pass"
For being difficult;
Mary would have had no such luck.
Culture would have demanded her
Subserviance
Politeness
Cordiality
Meekness.
I would have been
Beheaded.
One thing we have in common:
We anxiously await the birth of
A Son (a son)
Who will change
Our world...
Except
Mary's Son
Delivered us all...
My son
Belongs to Him.
The birth of a Savior
Revolutionized the world...
That birth
Led me to the grace of God...
The grace of God
Led me to salvation...
Salvation
Led me to forgiveness...
Forgiveness
Led me to faith
And faith has led me to
This
Point
In my life.
I have no idea what God has in store
For me,
For my child,
For my husband...
But to be like Mary,
Throughout the journey,
I will trust Him...
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Brief Blog: Update
It's a wonderful time of the year! David and I have a lot to look forward to...
Up until this point, all of our doctors' appointments have gone really well. Unfortunately, over the last week, we've had a few things take some turns we were not expecting. Without going into details, I would ask at this time that you say a quick prayer for us, and for Baby Cooley. Our doctors have the advantage this time of knowing my medical history, and of knowing what to plan for. The specialists are using their great brains to figure out a game plan.
It would seem as though the "boring" part of my pregnancy is officially over; now, we play a waiting game of balancing medications, taking tests, and most importantly for me, of resting when I'm at home.
This is what we're praying for, and we'd humbly like to ask you to agree with us:
1. God's Will to be revealed: We are completely relying on Him. We know that He is faithful (Hebrews 10:23), and that He knows what's going on.
2. Wisdom for the doctors
3. That delivery will be put off as long as possible (I'd like to make it to 35-36 weeks, at the earliest)
4. That I can continue working until 34 weeks (So far, so good--I realize this is not the priority, and that God will provide, regardless. I would actually like to keep working as long as is safely possible. If the doctors say "no," I will be obedient...but I'd like to work).
5. That certain medications will not be required.
6. That I can keep my wits about me, and stop being a nervous wreck. It's easy to write about God being faithful; it's much harder to focus on it when I'm getting overloaded in medical details.
And that's it. I realize that I usually write WAY too much, but the details are irrelevant. Besides--I have a propensity to focus on the drama and/or scary emotion of the details, and I don't need to stress myself out with that. There are a few people who have heard my entire emotional gamut in this situation, and they've reminded me of what's WAY more important: God is bigger than all of this.
And He is faithful.
Thank you for praying...
Up until this point, all of our doctors' appointments have gone really well. Unfortunately, over the last week, we've had a few things take some turns we were not expecting. Without going into details, I would ask at this time that you say a quick prayer for us, and for Baby Cooley. Our doctors have the advantage this time of knowing my medical history, and of knowing what to plan for. The specialists are using their great brains to figure out a game plan.
It would seem as though the "boring" part of my pregnancy is officially over; now, we play a waiting game of balancing medications, taking tests, and most importantly for me, of resting when I'm at home.
This is what we're praying for, and we'd humbly like to ask you to agree with us:
1. God's Will to be revealed: We are completely relying on Him. We know that He is faithful (Hebrews 10:23), and that He knows what's going on.
2. Wisdom for the doctors
3. That delivery will be put off as long as possible (I'd like to make it to 35-36 weeks, at the earliest)
4. That I can continue working until 34 weeks (So far, so good--I realize this is not the priority, and that God will provide, regardless. I would actually like to keep working as long as is safely possible. If the doctors say "no," I will be obedient...but I'd like to work).
5. That certain medications will not be required.
6. That I can keep my wits about me, and stop being a nervous wreck. It's easy to write about God being faithful; it's much harder to focus on it when I'm getting overloaded in medical details.
And that's it. I realize that I usually write WAY too much, but the details are irrelevant. Besides--I have a propensity to focus on the drama and/or scary emotion of the details, and I don't need to stress myself out with that. There are a few people who have heard my entire emotional gamut in this situation, and they've reminded me of what's WAY more important: God is bigger than all of this.
And He is faithful.
Thank you for praying...
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
All I Want For Christmas...
Last year, around this time, all I wanted for Christmas really WAS my two front teeth (I was having some dental work done)!
This year, as the clock ticks on, I realize that my little Christmas list is about to be forever changed...
I've never really been the kid who sits there and tells Santa everything they want (although I did love to look through the Sears catalog when I was a child). As long as I can remember, I've been happy that someone thought of me. It's what means the most--that someone thought of me, and that they paid attention to me. My mom is one of the best gift-givers around. Even when she misses the mark, there is still no such thing as a bad gift from my mother--probably because she knows me better than anyone on this planet.
God is like that (only SO much more): He knows what we want, and what we need, better than anyone else. His Father's Heart is so intuitive--He knows the request before we make it. He knows the need before it presents itself. He knows the heart's cry before the tears meet our eyes. Much like my mom got to know me really well from the womb, on, the Lord has known us from before conception. He knows our deepest things, good and bad....and He loves us, anyways.
When I was a little girl, all I wanted to be was a wife and a mother; I've blogged about this before. It's my one, genuine heart's desire. There are other things I would like to DO, but nothing has burned into me like what I want to BE. I consider myself a "passable" wife, if not occasionally, a bit of a shrew (okay, sometimes, more than a "bit." Add the "ch.":). I'm not the best housekeeper; I'm terrible with money (perhaps, because there isn't any, LOL!); and I'm nowhere near the cook in reality, that I thought I would be. But I love my husband...and we always make it work, by the grace of God. God takes care of us, even when it's seemed hopeless. I love being married, and I love the institution of marriage. I love it when people say we're a "cute married couple," even when they've heard us argue. David is my other half, plain and simple. Life with him is never dull, and I never want it to end--that's the kind of marriage I wanted, when I was a child.
I have it.
I am a wife--
And I'm about to be a mother...again.. Of course, as I say that, I hear the whispers of "anything can happen. Don't get your hopes up." I hear you, whispers--but I choose to ignore you. Not because I think that David and I are immune to heartache; I know better. I choose to ignore the negative possibilities because I have hope. Because I believe that God is good, regardless of the outcome. Because I believe that He is working miracles, even now.
This time, I get to keep my dream.
There is a genuine fear that rushes through me, in that statement...like, I'm afraid to be that bold. Since Hannah died, I've struggled so deeply with fear, to the point that I was even afraid to admit that I loved my family, because if I admitted it, God would take them away. A missed phone call became the end of the world; a noise in a car engine meant a terrible accident was coming. Not a day went by, for an extended period of time, that I wasn't choked by some kind of fear. Anxiety has, in the past, been a constant companion.
I'm not going to say that I'm free and clear from all of that, but I will say that I've come a long way. I am learning that there is freedom in boldness: Embrace hope. I will be the mother to a beautiful baby boy that will grow healthy and strong, that will go to the nations! He will be a place of worship, and he is dedicated to the Lord--this is the statement I make every day. These are the words that I type in boldness, and the more I say it, the more the fear diminishes.
This is a time of crazy faith, of insane boldness, and of true, genuine recognition of my own insufficiencies...this is a time of putting one foot in front of the other, and of being thankful for every single day.
Christmas this year marks a time of major transition. After 7 years together, this will be our last Christmas with just the two of us. These are the last nights that I have with my husband, alone...as crazy as it sounds, it's a tiny bit bittersweet. I cherish my time with him, even when it's just sitting in front of the TV. I find myself not wanting to leave the house (I've heard this is normal, at this point); I don't want to share him with anyone. I'm cranky, emotional, and clingy--I don't really think David is enjoying my current phase, but I'm not giving him much of a choice. I'm overwhelmed with little tasks that need to be done, and with the daily issues that seem to keep creeping in (for the love of God, can my car stop breaking?!?). Every time I look at the bank account, I fall on my face in exasperation; my calendar at work has exploded, and I only have a few weeks left here, for training, planning, and for covering my leave. I feel like the world is exploding...
But then, I catch my reflection...
Yes, the world is exploding.
But I'm having a baby.
The thing, that they said would never happen?
It's happening.
It's really, truly happening.
I can see it...I can feel it...He's coming.
Anticipation is outweighing Anxiety.
Hope is overcoming Fear.
Walls are falling, and victory is coming...
And I don't think that's just for me.
There are a lot of people out there who are struggling, and in need of a major breakthrough. Whether it's spiritual or physical, you just can't give up hope.
God hears you...He really does...
Don't give up.
There really isn't much that I'd like for Christmas. Although I could still look through the Sears catalog and pick a few things, my taste these days, tends to be a bit more toward the practical: I'd like for my closet to be accessible...for my car to work...for the bills to be paid...
I'd like to spend time with David, without a TV running in the background (that's not always his fault--I'm guilty of this one!)...to hang out with a few friends that I haven't seen lately...to sleep through the night...to have a clean house.
In a few weeks, I'd like to meet the little guy that's currently kicking my desk...I'd like doctors' reports that are miraculously normal. I'd like to have a baby dedication in front of my church, where we all stop to appreciate the wonder of life...I'd like for us all to understand the miracle of our kids.
That's what I want for Christmas...for the New Year. Simple things, for a simple girl...supernatural things, from a supernatural God.
I believe that He cares for us.
I believe that He meets our needs.
I believe that He is worth hoping in...and I hope that you do, too.
I'm sure I'll be back on here before Christmas, but if I'm not, May you have the most wondrous of Holiday seasons...may Hope find you, may your heart be renewed, and may your spirit recognize everyday miracles...Merry Christmas, to you and yours...
This year, as the clock ticks on, I realize that my little Christmas list is about to be forever changed...
I've never really been the kid who sits there and tells Santa everything they want (although I did love to look through the Sears catalog when I was a child). As long as I can remember, I've been happy that someone thought of me. It's what means the most--that someone thought of me, and that they paid attention to me. My mom is one of the best gift-givers around. Even when she misses the mark, there is still no such thing as a bad gift from my mother--probably because she knows me better than anyone on this planet.
God is like that (only SO much more): He knows what we want, and what we need, better than anyone else. His Father's Heart is so intuitive--He knows the request before we make it. He knows the need before it presents itself. He knows the heart's cry before the tears meet our eyes. Much like my mom got to know me really well from the womb, on, the Lord has known us from before conception. He knows our deepest things, good and bad....and He loves us, anyways.
When I was a little girl, all I wanted to be was a wife and a mother; I've blogged about this before. It's my one, genuine heart's desire. There are other things I would like to DO, but nothing has burned into me like what I want to BE. I consider myself a "passable" wife, if not occasionally, a bit of a shrew (okay, sometimes, more than a "bit." Add the "ch.":). I'm not the best housekeeper; I'm terrible with money (perhaps, because there isn't any, LOL!); and I'm nowhere near the cook in reality, that I thought I would be. But I love my husband...and we always make it work, by the grace of God. God takes care of us, even when it's seemed hopeless. I love being married, and I love the institution of marriage. I love it when people say we're a "cute married couple," even when they've heard us argue. David is my other half, plain and simple. Life with him is never dull, and I never want it to end--that's the kind of marriage I wanted, when I was a child.
I have it.
I am a wife--
And I'm about to be a mother...again.. Of course, as I say that, I hear the whispers of "anything can happen. Don't get your hopes up." I hear you, whispers--but I choose to ignore you. Not because I think that David and I are immune to heartache; I know better. I choose to ignore the negative possibilities because I have hope. Because I believe that God is good, regardless of the outcome. Because I believe that He is working miracles, even now.
This time, I get to keep my dream.
There is a genuine fear that rushes through me, in that statement...like, I'm afraid to be that bold. Since Hannah died, I've struggled so deeply with fear, to the point that I was even afraid to admit that I loved my family, because if I admitted it, God would take them away. A missed phone call became the end of the world; a noise in a car engine meant a terrible accident was coming. Not a day went by, for an extended period of time, that I wasn't choked by some kind of fear. Anxiety has, in the past, been a constant companion.
I'm not going to say that I'm free and clear from all of that, but I will say that I've come a long way. I am learning that there is freedom in boldness: Embrace hope. I will be the mother to a beautiful baby boy that will grow healthy and strong, that will go to the nations! He will be a place of worship, and he is dedicated to the Lord--this is the statement I make every day. These are the words that I type in boldness, and the more I say it, the more the fear diminishes.
This is a time of crazy faith, of insane boldness, and of true, genuine recognition of my own insufficiencies...this is a time of putting one foot in front of the other, and of being thankful for every single day.
Christmas this year marks a time of major transition. After 7 years together, this will be our last Christmas with just the two of us. These are the last nights that I have with my husband, alone...as crazy as it sounds, it's a tiny bit bittersweet. I cherish my time with him, even when it's just sitting in front of the TV. I find myself not wanting to leave the house (I've heard this is normal, at this point); I don't want to share him with anyone. I'm cranky, emotional, and clingy--I don't really think David is enjoying my current phase, but I'm not giving him much of a choice. I'm overwhelmed with little tasks that need to be done, and with the daily issues that seem to keep creeping in (for the love of God, can my car stop breaking?!?). Every time I look at the bank account, I fall on my face in exasperation; my calendar at work has exploded, and I only have a few weeks left here, for training, planning, and for covering my leave. I feel like the world is exploding...
But then, I catch my reflection...
Yes, the world is exploding.
But I'm having a baby.
The thing, that they said would never happen?
It's happening.
It's really, truly happening.
I can see it...I can feel it...He's coming.
Anticipation is outweighing Anxiety.
Hope is overcoming Fear.
Walls are falling, and victory is coming...
And I don't think that's just for me.
There are a lot of people out there who are struggling, and in need of a major breakthrough. Whether it's spiritual or physical, you just can't give up hope.
God hears you...He really does...
Don't give up.
There really isn't much that I'd like for Christmas. Although I could still look through the Sears catalog and pick a few things, my taste these days, tends to be a bit more toward the practical: I'd like for my closet to be accessible...for my car to work...for the bills to be paid...
I'd like to spend time with David, without a TV running in the background (that's not always his fault--I'm guilty of this one!)...to hang out with a few friends that I haven't seen lately...to sleep through the night...to have a clean house.
In a few weeks, I'd like to meet the little guy that's currently kicking my desk...I'd like doctors' reports that are miraculously normal. I'd like to have a baby dedication in front of my church, where we all stop to appreciate the wonder of life...I'd like for us all to understand the miracle of our kids.
That's what I want for Christmas...for the New Year. Simple things, for a simple girl...supernatural things, from a supernatural God.
I believe that He cares for us.
I believe that He meets our needs.
I believe that He is worth hoping in...and I hope that you do, too.
I'm sure I'll be back on here before Christmas, but if I'm not, May you have the most wondrous of Holiday seasons...may Hope find you, may your heart be renewed, and may your spirit recognize everyday miracles...Merry Christmas, to you and yours...
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