Restoration...

I should so totally be asleep right now. My soft music is playing, I've had my kiss goodnight, and all is peaceful on the surface at the Cooley household...but here I am.
Fragments and filaments of failed relationships are keeping me up tonight. Memories of things said and unsaid are pestering me, and though I'm praying for restoration, my heart longs for a speedier resolution than what I'm seeing. My failures are driving me crazy.
A lack of communication...a misundrstanding that got ugly...I've prayed over it for 8 months now. Another fail, a total ignoring of/by someone else--2 years, and it's not right. College relationships and wrong impressions...total losses of integrity....compromises that never should have happened...These are the things that piledrive me at night.
My relationship with God is one thing. I ask for forgiveness--He gives me beautiful grace. But the people I've hurt? I don't talk with most of them. I'd love nothing more than to hear them say that they've forgiven me....that everything is okay.
I'd love to hear them say that we are restored. Everyone makes mistakes, yes, but how great would it be, to hear that it's all been cleared up? I hope I never run for office or write a wildly popular book. I have serious fears that people would come out of the woodwork to announce my shortcomings. I can hear it now: "She can't lecture on God's grace!!!! I was there when she took that shot of Jaeger in 1999!!!!" (Disgusting stuff, BTW.) Or, "She can't write a children's book! She was mean to a co-worker in 2011!!!!" (More than once, I'm afraid)... I don't know...these are not only relationships that have gone south, or examples of stupidity; they're also the ammunition that the enemy uses to keep us from doing the plans God has for us. Restoration is amazing, because it's God making something so whole again, that you can never tell that it was ever broken. That's what I want to see...in relationships from my workplaces past & present, in my family, and in those old friendships that one never truly forgets...that's one of the areas I'd like to see God move in this year...
So, if you happen to have an issue with yours truly, please talk to me. Because you might be the reason that I can't sleep tonight.