Bliss...

Sometimes, people who have been through a tragedy lose their ability to hope. We lose our ability to find joy, because we're so afraid it will be taken away again. We think that every smile comes with a price, that every piece of happiness comes with a side of tears.
We lose our ability to celebrate without fear.
As I've progressed through this pregnancy and into raising this beautiful boy, I've had kind of a spiritual rebirth as well. I've blogged about this before; I've been making myself stop and enjoy the moment.
I've been making myself celebrate, and I've been making the "what ifs" in my head be quiet. Any time one of them has presented itself, I've prayed about it.
My little guy is awesome.
Motherhood is a joy.
I do NOT want to sully it with fear or worry.
So I'm praying through it.
I feel like I could explode with happiness.
I'm sleep-deprived, stressed about money, smell like formula, and have, on occasion, forgotten to shower...but I don't care.
I'm happy.
JD's Baby Dedication was last Sunday (fitting,that our wee Irishman would be dedicated on St. Patrick's Day!), and we were so honored that our church family allowed us the opportunity to present our little miracle to our congregation! Several members of our families came; people from our home churches (past and present) came; and we all celebrated in a moment I thought I'd never see happen.
A Baby Dedication! For MY baby! I prayed so hard for that day!!!!!  To see it come to pass--words cannot describe how happy I was, to take part in that! I can't even verbalize it!  I hope that the people who were there understand how amazing that was...
To be told you can't have children..to spend years in prayer and research, to be told "no" so many times....to be told that the son you just delivered almost died at birth (cord issues)...to almost give up, but to have so many friends and family keep you uplifted in prayers and encouragement...to have a heart's desire...to see God keep His promises...To stand in front of those friends and family members, holding the very answer to your deepest prayers...
Is there anything more beautiful?

My 12-week long leave of absences from my job ends next week...Although I love my  job, it's far from easy for me to leave my little guy. He's in good hands...we have amazing childcare that is quite literally, a gift from God! It makes going back just a little easier. I keep telling myself that this is for JD--we are building him a future, and it is worth it. God willing, I'd love to work my tail-end off and get out of debt, ASAP. I know He can make that happen, so that's a huge prayer request right now. I'm asking for peace of mind, as I go back to work; for financial provision; and for financial wisdom, so that there won't be the temptation to spend foolishly. We have a long way to go, but for JD, it will be worth it. We can do this! The prayer on my mirror (I write my prayer points on my mirror in dry-erase marker so I remember to pray over them every day) reminds me to "Consider the Lilies of the Field." Considering how well God has had His hand on JD, and on me, I know that David and I can trust Him with our finances. He cares for us...and He doesn't want us to stain our joy with worry. Thanks for agreeing with us in prayer for this--it's time for financial freedom!
This blog isn't very well-written. I'm pretty scattered, but I think you get the point.
I have an abundance of joy...I am in the middle of a mountaintop experience, after so many years of valleys and deserts. I know we can't stay on the mountain forever, so while I'm here, I will embrace it.  I am so thankful to the Lord...He keeps His promises, He delivers on His Word. He doesn't give you a heart's desire without seeing it fulfilled, even when it's not on your timetable. He is faithful; He is truthful.
He is good....
And I am happy. :)
JD is here...
He is perfect...
God is awesome...
And there is
Bliss.