In Awe of A...

One of my friends (A) who hasn't blogged in a while, just picked it back up again. Reading her blogs almost always makes me tear up. I love people who love life...who appreciate the sunrise and sunset, and everything in-between, and she is one of them. She never takes it for granted, although most would say that she has every right to.
She's pregnant with her 14th child. Yep, you read it right: 14!  And though I am amazed at her physical fortitude, I am more amazed at the fact that it has never become mundane in her eyes. I think that's why God has blessed her so abundantly: Every little person is cherished and loved. They're valued at an incredible cost, and she and her husband appreciate the wonder of family.
I'm not going to lie--her last few pregnancies have been a struggle for me. To be on the outside, to want a little one for so long, and to see someone prosper in an area that felt like a failure for me, was a hard pill to swallow. Although I was always thankful for her blessings, more than once, I felt like the ugly wallflower at the prom. :)
So, now, finally, I have my own little guy. I kinda want to grab her, hug her, and say, "Finally!!!!!  I have one, too!!!  Let's dance!"  In A's last blog, she stated that when her firstborn came along, two walked into a hospital; three came out. I like that phrasing. So, David and I are now David and I and JD (and Holly-dog:), and we three make up this amazing little nucleus called home.
My appreciation for A has grown by leaps and bounds.
I love life. I adore life. I'm incredibly thankful for life, and I was before I had my loss. Losing Hannah didn't make me appreciate life any more; rather, it made me appreciate LOVE more. It made me understand love on an entirely different level. Motherhood will do that to you. Hannah's loss DID make me appreciate the wonder of pregnancy to a much deeper extent. I still remember her kicks, her rolls, her flutters...and I CLEARLY remember the jolts, kicks, somersaults, sumo stomps, and occasional punch of JD :). Every pregnancy is different--I couldn't have understood that until JD.  A has got to experience this awesomeness 13 times! (One of her blessings is adopted)!!
She appreciates every single one.
To be completely candid, I really have a hard time hearing people complain about their pregnancies. Yeah, it's uncomfortable. But you're baking A PERSON--did you think it was a cakewalk? CELEBRATE IT. Yes, there are times when your back hurts, or your hands hurt, or you feel like a whale on stilts.  Every now and then, some grousing is acceptable. But I'm seeing people who whine and moan every single day of their pregnancies, and I have to say, after what I've been through, my level of compassion is fairly nonexistent. Sorry. (And yeah--there's a small part of me that feels like I ought to get a medal or something for that last pregnancy. Maybe I can't run a marathon, but darn it, I sure as heck showed some endurance!:)
A could teach a class on graceful pregnancies. Yes, she gets tired (for Pete's sake, I wonder why?!?!?). But every time I see her, pregnant or not, she is happy. She has her struggles, and she doesn't candy-coat it....but SHE APPRECIATES THE LIFE WITHIN, and she celebrates it. The aggravations of the physical toll of pregnancy is so minor, compared to the payoff...You are given this tiny human...this ball of personality and soul...and they belong to you. You are responsible to give them back to the very God that breathes life into them...to raise them to love Him. There is NO greater joy.
I would like to add to our little family. I don't understand why I've had the physical issues that I've had..but does anyone? I have friends that have had 5 healthy babies, 3 healthy babies, etc--how are they able to have normal pregnancies/deliveries, but I'm not? I'm not whining here--it's just an honest question. I don't understand the reasons for all of this. I'm at peace with it--this is God's plan, and I'm okay with it. He has His reasons, and He's not required to explain them to me.
What I do know, is that I am so incredibly thankful for the lives that I've brought into this world. I'm thankful for my beautiful Hannah...I'm thankful for my beautiful JD. I'm thankful to be a parent, and I embrace every day of it with the greatest of joys.  For most people, I would say (okay, arrogantly) that they couldn't possibly understand the joy that I feel when I see my son...they couldn't understand how happy motherhood has made me, how miraculous this whole process has been. They couldn't appreciate the life in front of me....
But I believe that A gets it. I think that every time she sees her children, one-by-one, she is as thankful for each of them as I am for JD. I don't even know how the human heart can hold that kind of love. It's explosive. It's why every time she writes about her children, I cry--because the love just kind of blows up off of the computer screen. It's so reflective of how God feels about us...
Every time He sees us, He celebrates us. Every time we talk to Him, He listens with both ears. His Words explode in love off of the page...His delight in us is a blanket of grace. I don't know that I really understood what it meant, to be "delighted in," as as child. Sometimes I still don't. I hope I can teach my son what that means. I believe that A has successfully taught her crew what that means; if anything, they can see it on her face when she talks to them.
Maybe I have A on a pedestal.
But maybe I don't.
Maybe I just recognize how beautiful her heart really is...
Maybe her words encourage my words...her celebration of life makes me stand in awe of the One Who creates...
Isn't that what this blogging thing is supposed to do? It's not just a way to vent, to sort out the thought process; it's supposed to encourage, to praise, to show His love. I don't always do a good job of that, but it IS my whole point....
I am excited for my friend...and more than a little in awe of she and her incredible husband...I am excited that JD will have more contemporaries from this family.
Now if only I could figure out how to schedule in that playdate....<3 br="">