Find me in the waiting….
So, here I am…waiting.
Lots of people are waiting for something right now. I have a
friend who’s waiting for travel visas to China, so she can pick up the
special-needs child her family is adopting. The process is agonizingly-slow,
and she’s READY TO GO…The nervous anticipation she’s posting on Facebook is
palpable. I find myself curling my toes and bouncing my knees when I read her
posts, because I’m So. Darn. Impatient, on her behalf.
God moves on His own timetable.
Darn it.
So we wait….
My sister is waiting for something right now…a chapter to
close. She knows it’s coming, but she doesn’t know when, and every week or so,
I’ll text her and ask, “Do you have a date, yet?” We’re trying to plan out the
holidays, but it’s nearly impossible, without definite information.
Time is dragging.
And so, we wait…..
I am waiting.
I am waiting to find out what the swelling in my neck means.
I am waiting to find out why an ultrasound was needed…and then a CT scan, after
the results from the ultrasound looked less-than-ideal. Having your doctor call you and say, “We need
you at the imaging center right away; how soon can you get there?” is scary…You
gather your things, leave your office, make arrangements for your son, and you
drive (mostly within the limits)…You get there, and the staff remembers you,
and gives you “the look.”
You say, “Don’t feel sorry for me! Let’s get this over with!”
and you call your pastor, because even if neither of you know what’s going on,
there’s something beautiful in hearing him say, “Let’s pray.” It’s good to know
people that mean it, when they say they’re praying.
I didn’t make the imaging center wait; I hauled myself there
in record time…But they are making ME wait, and I know it’s not their fault…
But let’s get it over with.
Rip the damn band-aid off, and tell me what’s happening in
this mutinous body of mine.
I am waiting.
I am praying.
And I know He’s there now, and He’s already there at the
end, and He already knows the results, and He isn’t scared, at all…
This weekend, David & I had an extended date that was
already planned. We had a friend who watched JD; David had done their family
photos a few weeks ago, so they kindly agreed to take care of The Loinfruit. They
love him so much, and I know he was happy to see them. We went to The Original SpringsHotel and Mineral Spa in Okawville, IL (highly recommended), and did a simple
spa admission. The mineral baths are heavenly; there’s a dry sauna and a pool,
and if you want to pay extra for a massage, they have wonderful massage
therapists. We skipped that part, because I’m not a good candidate for massage
right now. The restaurant is AMAZING,
and has the best fried chicken you’ve ever had (True Story!), so we stayed for
lunch, and headed home…We laughed (a lot), and really didn’t talk too much
about the Elephant in the Room.
We just hung out, two people that love each other fiercely,
and who have been through so much worse…two people that couldn’t navigate this
crazy life without one another holding on. He’s my soulmate, and I’d like to
think that I’m his, as well. He’s my very best, dearest, most attractive
friend, and he knows me better than anyone…We had fun, and as we drove back, I
thought about our life together, and what an adventure we are always on…never a
dull moment!
That evening, David did what was to me, the most important
photo shoot he’s done since our children were born. He was asked to do an impromptu,
informal photo shoot with a family where the patriarch is terminal. So far, I’ve
been unable to look at the pictures, because from the two shots I’ve seen, the
love this man has for his family, and they, for him, is so rich and so
beautiful; my heart can’t handle it. This man loves Jesus, he’s raised a godly
family that has had children of their own, and he knows where he’s going. That doesn’t
make it easier to leave, or to say goodbye…Well, maybe it does, but it still
hurts.
He doesn’t have an exact date, just a timeline…
So they wait.
They cling to each other; they make these the sweetest days…
And they wait.
My friend is waiting for travel passes and adoption papers…my
sister is waiting for closure. I am
waiting for answers, and my other friend’s father is waiting for the end of the
last chapter of a story he’s been writing for decades….
The waiting will break you, if you’re not grounded.
The waiting will take you to your knees…which is perhaps,
the best place for all of us to be as we go through these processes. We find
strength in ourselves, when we can answer our own questions. When we have
definite dates, we begin the stress of preparation.
But in the waiting, everything is open-ended. Everything is
up in the air, and we are on shaky ground…we are on rafts, in the middle of the
rapids.
He is our Anchor.
Find Him in the waiting; cling to Him, and have stability in
the ever-changing waters of uncertainty…
He is our Peace…He is our steady ground…
All of us that I mentioned in this post are waiting,
praying, hoping, and seeking…and all of us know that He has His ways, and His
timing…we all know He is not ignoring us, or pushing us away. Our Father loves
His children.
So, we wait for Him to rescue us….even when that doesn’t
look like what we think it should look like.
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