Observation vs. Apology

I want to clarify something in my blog that I wrote yesterday. David (my husband) commented on Facebook that he loved "most" of my blog (frankly, I was surprised as h*ll that he even read it--that's two, now!--not that I'm keeping track---Okay, maybe I am). Well, that's a loaded statement! 'What do you mean, "most"?!?' I said. "Well, I feel like you kinda bashed some people," he said."
"Oh....You do?"
My heart sank.
"That was never my intention...I wrote a disclaimer at the beginning of the blog...."
"Well...."

Sigh.

I don't ever want something I've written to hurt someone. My intention wasn't to make anyone feel singled out or "bashed;" it was only to record an observation I'd made as a parent, and that I'd felt as an adult in making/forming relationships (and in failing). I'm not good at making friends, personally, despite what you may think. I say dumb things, I have bad timing, and I'm far better at sympathy than empathy (which sucks). I am AWKWARD, I feel awkward, and social gatherings tend to bring that out in me at its worst. I tend to stay close to those I know, because they know me, and they know when to write off my quirks.

Matter of fact, I tend to do the same thing that I accused others of doing in the blog I wrote yesterday: I limit myself to the familiar when surrounded by the unfamiliar. The difference was that I was in a situation where everyone around me was the unfamiliar (beyond a surface level), for the most part, and I was miserable. If I wanted to, I could have worked my way into any number of conversations; I chose not to, and I chose to stew over the fact that no one invited me into a conversation. That's the truth of the matter. I limited myself, and got pissy over the fact that no one catered to my subliminal pleas for acknowledgement.

So, please, please, PLEASE do not think I was insulting or bashing anyone. I was surrounded by lovely people, and I wouldn't for anything want any of them to think I thought otherwise. Social situations are so incredibly uncomfortable for me; no one would generally guess that, but my anxiety levels are through the ROOF on occasions such as that--especially at church. I'm not taking down the blog I posted yesterday, because it wasn't about WHERE we were; it was about my journey as a parent, watching my son grow in to a little boy. It was about my hopes for him, my struggles to relegate myself to being an observer, and my love of just being in his world...

Sometimes, I write something that is more brutal than brutally honest...If you're hurt because of something I wrote; if you felt it was accusatory or "bashing," please let me know. I can guarantee you that was never my intention, and I am truly sorry if I made you feel that way.

I am learning...and maybe this time, I knocked someone else down as I was skinning my own knees...