Crazy Affection...

The house is quiet, and I'm finally sitting down to this computer to put on a very public display of affection...I like that word, "affection." I think that when I was a child, I was a very affectionate little girl, and that the world took that away from me. It was twisted into something perverted, stripped of its innocence, and made to make me feel like a bad person. The truth is, we have a very affectionate Father God Who longs for our affection in return, and when we've lost our understanding of the beauty of affection, we've lost a bit of our understanding for Him.

This is why God gave me an affectionate husband...this is why I am bonded to a man who irritates the living daylights out of me with affection. He walks by and pokes me in the ribs on the days that I'm the crabbiest...he taps me on the rear when he walks by, on the days when I want to turn around and throw something at him. It's not a sexual thing--it's an affectionate thing, and on the days when I'm not cranky, it's an adorable reminder of David's affection for me. Here's the definition of "affection:"

af·fec·tion(-fkshn)n.1. A tender feeling toward another; fondness. See Synonyms at love.

2. Feeling or emotion. Often used in the plural: an unbalanced state of affections.

3. A disposition to feel, do, or say; a propensity.

4. Obsolete Prejudice; partiality.

I married a man who is affectionate toward me--He has a disposition to feel toward me, a propensity toward me...a partiality for me.

I've always been taught that God loves us in every sense of the word, and that our relationships with people teach us about His character. If God is affectionate toward me like David is affectionate toward me (except God is like, a million times more), that means He embraces me wholeheartedly, lightly (that reflects His deeper love)...that when I'm not paying attention to Him, He comes by and taps me to remind me that He's there...that on the days that I want nothing to do with Him because I'm so self-centered, He grabs my hand to hold it and walk me down the road. He has a propensity toward me...God is partial to me...The very nature of my affectionate Jesus points Him to me.

God is quite fond of me.

There is love...and in love, although you want to be totally ensconced in it, completely wrapped in it, it doesn't always have to be on the emotional end of the spectrum to be felt or appreciated. I love David; he loves me, yet we don't run around acting like lovesick morons all the time. Our love for one another has an understanding and an honesty. Love changes all of the time; it's always there, but there's an ebb and flow of intensity. There's a deepening that goes beyond the emotional high, and is fine-tuned over time. In the richness of that genuine love, though, you still have to have room for the playfulness of affection.

Affection is just that--playful.

The same God Who allowed His Son to die on the cross for our sins...the same One Who loves us so maddeningly deeply...has this crazy affection for us. He's playful! He's like the dad I saw at church this morning who was sitting there playing with this son; his son would giggle like mad when his daddy would kiss his cheek. There's a deep, fearless love with a playful, agape affectionate side that we all need to remember.

When I think of dancing with God in my head (because honestly, I'm too embarrassed to even consider doing it in public), I think of standing with Him in a wheat field and spinning myself in crazy circles, arms outstretched, head thrown back, and a song flying out of my mouth....I don't even know what I'm singing, but I'm there with Him, and He's twirling and laughing with me...He grabs me into His arms (I'm never too big for my Daddy), He holds me and He shows me genuine affection...He kisses my cheek, He holds my hands, and He laughs with His little girl.

This is not the boring God in a white robe on a throne....When I see my Father, I see living, vibrant Love that laughs over me...that sings over me...that sings with me...

There are days when my eyes are clouded...where my vision is gone, and where I can't see that wheat field anymore. There are days when the tears don't stop, where it doesn't make any sense, and where I feel like I just can't take one more step.

Those are the days when David will walk by and poke me in the ribs (and risk his neck, in all honesty) and remind me, in his own silly way, that he has a genuine affection for me.

God uses this crazy man to show me that He loves me when I am blind and unlovable, that He's waiting for me in my wheat field, and that if I find the strength to simply open my mouth, the song will come....and there is where I find worship.

My absolute favorite picture of David...