Mad hilarity and total irreverence...

Didn't know Billy Corgan would be leading worship at church today...Just kidding. But the guy who came with Radiant Worship from KC, MO today DID have quite the physical/vocal resemblance. Church today was fantastic, and even though I totally can't sing right now (I've been sick for a week), I tried. There's something SO beautiful about singing at the top of your lungs, "I am my Beloved's and He is MINE!!!" that shakes the inner rafters!
I honestly don't know what kind of bug I got a hold of this week (probably the gift of a patient :), but I was SICK with a capital "ICK!" Coughing, sore throat, the whole 9 yards of crapola, and it all hit on Saturday night. Saturday, 1/22, was the first in a series of monthly events at the church that are designed to focus on just worshiping God for Who He is--not asking anything of Him, just honoring Him, and I was privileged to be on the music team that night. It was the first night of feeling truly awful, but I know I was supposed to be there. Someone from the church said they had something for "those who have lost hope." Well, that's me...I'm someone who has lost hope. Doesn't mean I've lost faith...it's two different things, and yes, they can be completely separate.
So there, in the midst of feeling awful, this woman says a bit about not losing hope, about holding on, yada-yada-yada, and all I could do was engage in the lovely mental picture of stage-diving on top of her and tackling her to the ground. "SHUT!! UP!!" is all I could think--I don't want to hear "don't lose hope! What do YOU know about not losing hope?!?!?" My mental reaction kind of stunned me, but it was honest. Holding on to hope is all I've got, and I've been there for 4 long years.
What would happen if I just let go?
What would happen if I just let it all go--hope, heart's desire, all of it?
Where would I be?
I don't think I'd be any where.
They opened the front of the church up for prayer for those who needed hope, and after I got over myself (I'm on stage! I can't leave the platform!! Whatever, dude--the coolest thing about our team is that our worship director knows that our relationship with God is more important than anything. If we need prayer, we go--no pretenses, no worries--just go), I went over for prayer and (again) laid it all down.
I still have hope.
God is still God.
He knows what He's doing.
Who am I, to think any of it has to make "sense?"
It was actually kind of a deliverance for me, in a sense...it was a restoration, and I truly feel like hope is on it's way to being restored...there is so much I can celebrate right now, and so much to celebrate in it's own time.
My goal for this year is to be thankful for where I'm at...to celebrate where I am.
I like to laugh, darn it, and I like it even more when I MEAN it.
It's the only part of Proverbs 31 that I'm any good at--"she can laugh at the days to come."
I think they should amend that a bit--"She can laugh at today." Sometimes that's the hardest thing to do.
Certain things have happened this week that are troubling me, and challenging my hope. They're definitely nothing to laugh at; in fact, though I should be sad, I'm mostly angry, but none of it is anything I can "fix," so I have to learn to celebrate letting it be...to celebrate letting God do His job. This will be, ahem, hard. Prayers would be appreciated...for clarity, for peace, for my mother, for wisdom, and for (did I say) clarity.
On that note...
I love how glass is clear. (There's my segue. It's all I've got). I was at a health fair in Plaza Frontenac yesterday, that I was worried about. I feared that I'd be surrounded by a bunch of botoxed size-2 white chicks in Versace, feeling underclassed, fat, and out of my element. I put on my black outfit, grabbed some "fling" (it's only "bling" if it's real, folks), and did my best at what I do (remember that I'm still "under the weather"). My boss was there, and she was speaking to a prospective patient; I was turned in the other direction, when I see a man walking with his daughter, and WHAM-O! He walked SMACK into a huge glass wall! (Funny thing--he looked a lot like Scott Joggerst, so use Scott as you're picturing this. It makes it SO much funnier!). He quickly shook it off, glanced around to see if anyone saw, and kept walking like nothing happened...meanwhile, his wife starts CRACKING up, and I, who was aware of my employer off to my side, just about bit my tongue in half to keep from falling to the ground in hysterics. Moral of the story: Just because God makes things clear, doesn't mean we are aware enough to SEE them! (And, watching someone walk into glass is frickin' hilarious. It is. I'd post the video on YouTube, if I had one!).

And, just because I wanted something else to laugh at, I purchased a book at B&N today, called "B is For Bad Poetry." It's cheesy enough, and corny enough, that I think I'll periodically be quoting it for my Facebook status updates (just to make Pastor Joe go "WHAT?"). It has absolutely nothing spiritual to do with this blog, and there is no point whatsoever in my tacking this onto the end of my ramblings, so here's a quote for now, just to make you wonder:

"Zebra"
It's too bad you think
life is so black and white.
If you had four legs and a tail
we could at least talk.

(Oh, that's mental!)