So, this is it...it's that time of the year again! October marks my 3rd opportunity to participate with the SHARE organization, which exists to provide support for parents who have lost a child, due to miscarriage, neonatal, and/or infant loss. It's an amazing organization to be a part of, and though I wish I'd never had a reason to know it existed, I'm so thankful that they're there.
You know, I've met so many other angel moms since Hannah's death. I've formed some interesting friendships, and I've shared angelversaries, birthdays, "rainbow babies " (that's what they call the first child you have after your child died--a child of the promise!). I've seen some women fall apart, and never pick up the pieces; I've seen some women use this heartbreak as a launching pad for ministry (I'd like to be one of those).
I'll never forget my first SHARE Walk. I went with David and my sister, Billie, and participated with my support group, Heaven's Smallest Angels...You feel so alone, when you lose a child; after all, this is the USA, babies don't die here, right? You feel like you're drowning in this huge ocean, and every sympathetic hug you get feels so shallow, because NO ONE knows what you're going through. When I got to my first walk, I was in shock. Here I was, surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and more, who had been affected by infant loss. They knew how I felt, how we felt...the sense of community I saw there blew my mind. I never experienced the same sense of loneliness that I'd had, to that degree, again, because I knew I wasn't alone. It was right before what would have been Hannah's first birthday, and I truly think that was her gift to me: Community.
Last year, I actually took my own team. Team Hannah's Hope had 7 members in it's first year, and we were so excited! I'm posting the pics from that occasion (and yes, my hair really is pink!!!!). We had such a great time. I know it sounds weird, to say that it was a happy occasion, but it really felt like a celebration for Hannah.
My first year, it was so heartbreaking, yet I felt uplifted because of the sense of community. My second year, it felt like a party for my girl! It was so sad, though, to look around and see the grief that had settled on some of the parents. Whether it was their first year or not, the depth of the hurt that weighed on some of them was tangible, and I found myself wanting to walk up to random people and just hug them, to tell them that it will be okay at some point...even though I know that for some of them, it simply will not be, because they will not choose to let it be. Some people like to stay in their grief, which to me, is the worst way to live. I want to honor Hannah with joy, and I want to share it with others.
So, here we are. Saturday, October 24th, is my 3rd SHARE Walk. This organization is one of the first ones to make it permissable to talk about losing a baby. Our grandparents went through things like this, and were never allowed to discuss them, or share their grief. Look at us now, how society and women are allowed to grieve and grow!!! I am proud, to be a part of an organization that gives us a voice, and that allows us to celebrate our babies...an organization that doesn't make us shut our mouths and hide our pain. In speaking about our loss, in sharing our grief, we are enabled to come to a place where we can achieve and share our JOY! On Saturday, I am celebrating the wonderful opportunity I had, to carry, birth, and meet my beautiful baby girl. On Saturday, I celebrate my Hannah Elizabeth Gayle Cooley...and truly, I celebrate her every day. I am thankful that God entrusted her to spend her short life with David and I, and though I miss her with all of my heart, I am so glad that it was my arms that she knew first and last....
She would be three years old on October 30th. I have a niece that was born 2 days before Hannah died, and I can't help but look at her and wonder...
To make a donation for the SHARE Walk in honor of Hannah, please visit:
http://www.active.com/donate/sharewalk2009/TeamHannahsHope
What a wonderful celebration! It is such a great feeling to be able to think about our little girls and be happy! Obviously the sadness is there b/c we miss them, but are happy that they are safe in the arms of Jesus! By the way...I love the pink hair and I am sure Hannah loves it as well.
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