Time flies…
13 months ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy…and I
unknowingly got on this strange, crazy, incredible roller coaster of
parenthood.
I mean, sure, people tell you it’s insanity…but you never
realize it until it’s your turn. And once you’ve started it, there’s absolutely
no looking back.
Not that I’d want to.
It’s
terrifying-scary-amazing-wonderful-hilarious-trying-miraculous-and...all of the above.
And it teaches you just how much you truly have to rely on
God for every breath.
I’ve also realized that nothing induces more guilt on you,
than parenthood. I mean, seriously—every complaint that someone has about something
you have, or every brag that you hear about something you don’t or couldn’t do—every
little thing causes you to step back and say to yourself, “Oh, man…I don’t do
it like that. Is there something wrong? Am I doing it wrong? AM I GOING TO
TRAUMATIZE HIM FOR LIFE?!?!?!?”
I heard on a TED Talk that when you yell and scream at a
baby/toddler, that it affects the part of the brain that controls impulses,
that later on, leads them to turn into serial killers. And then I read that if
you ignore your child (i.e., time-out), that it has the same effect on their
brain as if you had physically abused them. So now, I’m like, freaking out
about yelling at David in front of the baby—does it bother JD? I have to stop
yelling—I mean, I’m a total yeller who was raised by yellers. It’s all we know;
David is NOT generally a yeller, but I’ve kind of turned him into one…AM I
TURNING MY SON INTO A SERIAL KILLER?!?!?!?!?!
I know, it sounds preposterous. But these are the paranoid
ramblings of MEEEEE! And these are the things I worry about in the middle of
the night…
And of course, there’s no yelling “at” JD at this point.
There is, however, immediate separation if he does something like grab my
glasses, while he’s sitting on my lap (with a firm “NO!”). There is also a firm
“NO!” when he’s into something he’s not supposed to be, and the occasional tap
on the hand (for the dangerous stuff), along with a quick pick-him-up-and-move-him. Distraction is the
best form of correction, as discipline in any form is kind of pointless.
I’m a stress-yeller, and I have to stop it…I have to remove
many words from my vocabulary, as he’s begun to repeat things (i.e., “Ball!” “Duck!”). If he can say those things, I’m guessing he
will learn to repeat several choice words that sound similar…and I need
Jesus!!! So, language and tone are a definite work in progress, and trying to
tell certain people in our lives to begin that process in THEIR lives is not going
well…Ugh.
So, JD is standing now…he’s working on molars…he’s repeating
words, and he fully understands his first complete sentence: “What’s this?” Yep—he gets it! He even used it, in context,
in front of the Parents As Teachers lady, who was totally impressed. Yep—he’s a
genius, but not a freak-show-kind-of-genius. He’s a let’s-encourage-this-but-stay-normal
kind of genius. He doesn’t have any food allergies that we know of (praise
GOD!) and he eats anything he can get his hands on. We took our time
introducing “regular” foods, and are just now starting to give him actual meals
instead of pureed food. He’s independent; he’s able to spot something, get it,
focus on it and play with it, and get into whatever he wants. I love how he
surveys a room, picks someone or something, stares them down, and eventually,
rewards them with a smile. He’s quite popular wherever he goes, and I find
myself becoming increasingly protective.
Can I just keep him in a bubble? This world is overwhelming…endless
stories of abuse, kidnapping, drugs—I barely want to step outside, as an adult.
I understand my parents’ protectiveness so much more; thank God I was raised in
a world that didn’t have the Internet! We’re ALREADY talking about computer
privacy issues, and he’s not even walking yet!!!! JD is fascinated with our
phones and tablets, even though we don’t let him play with them; they make toys
that hold your phone in them, and interact with apps!! ALREADY!!
There are little boys in my neighborhood that play football
in the backyard.
That’s what I want…
Play in the backyard; ignore the TV. Make friends in person,
not on Facebook. Play baseball, football, soccer…play with the dog or go fishing
with Auntie.
The world has presented a platter of fears that my brain
just wants to feast on…drugs, violence, crime…How do I prevent any of it from
touching my son? He’s the joy of my heart; I can’t even look at his picture
without smiling. I want to preserve his innocence forever…but reality is bigger
than me.
But it’s not bigger than God.
Raising a child, I’m learning, takes more trust in God than
I ever thought…I have to believe that the One Who gave him to us, will take
care of him…that He will teach us how to raise him in a Godly way, in a truthful,
holy way…I have to trust that our motives and our directions are anchored
firmly in His Word and in His plan. Faith outweighs fear, and I believe that…I
believe that He holds us, regardless of where we are in life: brand-new and
shiny, or old codgers waving canes…
The roller-coaster of parenthood has one consistent track
throughout the twists and turns: Jesus. He doesn’t change or fade; He doesn’t
leave us hanging. Both Rescuer and Challenger, He sends us out to walk on the
ocean…to live in a restless, turbulent world…and He asks us to simply believe
He will save us.
My son belongs to Him…my husband belongs to Him…And, because
I believe Him, I belong to Him.
The world tells me that I’m messing everything up…it
constantly undermines my decisions or tells me I’m not good enough. Jesus takes
my pennies of faith, and He moves mountains with them. He takes my mustard
seeds, and He uses them to somehow implant faith and hope into my son. He takes
my prayers…my tiny, quick, conversations with Him…and He invests it into my
marriage, my home, and my family.
Thirteen months ago, out of the very center of my being,
came the fruition of years of prayer, tears, and love…He gives us what we need
to raise this child for Him. The world can have their research, their lectures,
and their materials. I have the Word of God, and it tells me that He’s got
this.
That’s all I need to know…
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